Sunday, August 26, 2007

being a year 4 smu student

doesn't feel much different. I think a dance junior asked me how it felt. So I thought, did I feel any older, wiser, more jaded? Actually there's really not much difference, I still felt how I felt last semester. I suppose I started the getting-jaded process a lot faster than everyone else and now I'm pretty much unaffected.

Read what Zhi wrote about the freshies and I have to agree - school has become a fashion parade. Some look good, some look not so good, but most look like they're trying too hard. I guess we have ourselves, the seniors, to blame. Who created the SMU reputation of being the cool IT school? Who started out the chic dressing, the matching bag-books-booty hugging shorts colour combi? Us. Us, us, us. But whilst we understand that dressing up is an option, the youngsters take it as a compulsory regime. And this is how culture changes. Different interpretations slowly taking it into a new direction.

I just have one thing to say about dressing up. Don't do it so people will notice you, think you're pretty, think you're cool. Do it so you exude more confidence, feel good about yourself, feel that you are on top of the world. Don't dress for anyone else but yourself.

And that's possibly the only area I could give advice on without being a hypocrite, because I fucked up so badly in everything else.

Never loved nobody fully, always had one foot on the ground. By protecting my heart truly, I got lost. Hurt myself by hurting another. Guilt, reproach, helplessness, regret. Should never have agreed to a date, shouldn't have gone, shouldn't have felt. Because I followed my heart then retracted my steps. Then tripped, then fell, then you offered your hand but I can't take it.

Truly no peace of mind.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

thks fr th mmrs

I'm gonna make you bend and break
It sent you to me without wait
Say a prayer, but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show

And I want these words to make things right,
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
"Who does he think he is?"
If that's the worst you got
Better put your fingers back to the keys

One night and one more time
"Thks fr th mmrs
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter"

One night, yeah, and one more time.
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See, he tastes like you only sweeter

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
It's always cloudy
Except for when you look into the past
One night stand

One night stand off

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter

One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See, he tastes like you only sweeter

They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers

Get me out of my mind
Get you out of those clothes
I'm a liner away from getting you into the mood

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter

One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See, he tastes like you only sweeter

One more night
One more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you only sweeter

One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Thanks for the memories
See, he tastes like you only sweeter

Friday, August 24, 2007

'i like you just the way you are'

That song by Timbaland is so coooool. I like it even more the more I listen to it. Timbaland may not be able to dance or look good in music vids but he sure can produce awesome tracks!

I'm sick... Been sick since Wed night. I guess that happens when, after dance practice, one still insists to go for a poker game and ends up sleeping at 4 - 5 am when one has an 830 am class the next day. On top of which, during dance practices one has to shout the countings. Coupled by lack of water consumption. What a recipe for disaster!

But it's OK. Just drank warm honey water with pei pa kao (spelling?). Throat doesn't feel so icky and phlegmy now.

Syd's sick too... Get well soon babe! HUGS.

First week of school was blah. Was in holiday mood all the way. In each class my Full Tilt play chip stack will increase by 6000, so that's good. Heh heh. Taking Tax Planning, Equities, Advanced Audit, Strategy and Seminar with CEOs. I think Strat is my fav class so far, because I earned the most in Full Tilt there. Had Aces against somebody's Kings with shitty board. That was a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

But of course, this is not to say that I will not be giving 100% attention to my classes from now on. The first week is a teething period, after which I will diligently do my readings and not play poker like, ever.

Desperate for a holiday!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

vivocity

Walked around Vivo for the first time yesterday. Syd couldn't believe I was a Vivovirgin. And man was I missing a lot of action. So many huge retail shops. Zara head-to-head with F21, River Island, Topshop. Mango and La Senza. But then somehow the place feels a little too noisy. I guess the open concept means echoes of conversation get bounced around the building. I'd much prefer a quiet & serene atmosphere to shop. You can relax much more that way. Normally the only time I feel stressed is when I flip the tag over to see a 3-digit figure. But at Vivo I felt stressed the whole time, as if the crowd was telling me to hurry up and pick something.

Or maybe I'm just mad.

Felt really bad about missing my boss's birthday celebration and intern outing at St James. Wanted to see my boss in all his intoxicated glory. I'm sure it would have been really really entertaining.

4 more days of work left. Can't wait. As it is I'm already browsing tattoo designs online when I'm supposed to do work. Heh.

I'm at a point in my life where I need to start thinking about what I want. What's to be my first priority? I can't even decide whether I should defer a term off school to do an internship with Morgan Stanley. It's ironic how finally there is a high probability that I will get an awesome internship, yet the timing might cause me to reject it.

And if I were honest with myself, do I really want to go into trading, or am I just picking one high-paying career option at random? Would it really make me happy? Everyone's talking about either IB, consultancy or trading. Does the world really revolve around only these 3 jobs? Is there something else out there? Am I trying to get into a foreign bank just so I can impress people?

I don't really know what I want anymore. It's time I stop giving a shit about what people think. Maybe I'll go into audit and slough it (ah... probably not). Maybe I'll be a housewife. That has got to be the most challenging job to ever exist, especially if your rebellious eldest daughter suddenly want to get a tattoo and totally spoil what remains of her good-girl image. This beats dying her hair an unsightly brown and wearing low-cleavage cropped tops for dance. It is so stressful to think of her future! What will become of her? She will definitely be up to no good. No decent guy will want to marry her and she will end up being the kept woman of an old playboy who could've been her great-grandfather's uncle's older brother's cousin. And probably is.

Tough!

Sleep beckons.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Wrestle with wanderlust

Meh. I feel really useless at work now. All my projects are pending thanks to vendors not replying… Hold on. Maybe it’s me who hasn’t replied them… … … …

Damn. Super scatter-brained.

But anyhoo it’s obvious that my boss isn’t involving me in as many things as when I first started. And it’s only natural because I’m leaving in a couple of weeks. But it makes me want to shorten my internship period! Like, by a week early or something. And then I could go on a short holiday or spend quality nua-ing time at home.

Oh please, please, pleeeease let me nua!

Watched wrestling with Gary and did a beauty shot with Jing this past weekend. The beauty shot was fun! We were talking crap all the way and I think the photog was rather frustrated yet amused. But Jing’s gone off to UK now. I so envy her. I want to travel too. To skimp on food just so I could shop more. To take shitload of pictures of random buildings mistaken as historical sites. To traipse around Versailles imagining I was a princess. To cry below Eiffel Tower because I wanted to visit it with a special someone. To buy an extra duffel bag at Barcelona because my shopping can’t fit into the luggage. To wear 4 layers of clothing and still shiver because the heating in the dorm is fucked up. To be random, anonymous, not caring about what I do because nobody knows me.

See, wanderlust again. Sigh. I’d better start saving and find means to earn more money (making poker rounds? heh) if I want to go for that Euro Christmas holiday.

Watching wrestling live was an eye-opener. I mean, most of the moves were faked, but it’s really quite hard to fake a slam especially when you let gravity do most of the work. I like Rey Mysterio! He’s apparently the smallest wrestler around but very agile. His special move is v cool. Batista has an undeniable presence too. Plus his body is so friggin’ hot.

Anyhoo. To add on to that lusty line of thoughts, was shopping around on Sunday and tried on this gorgeous Ted Baker dress in gold:



It’s GBP150 online but only S$380 at the retail store in Taka. So of course I bought it.

And that is why I am broke and cannot, cannot, CANNOT shop anymore for the next few months! Absolutely not!

Except for necessities.

Sometimes I wonder if I was just born with a tendency to get entangled in complicated situations, or whether I actually made the complications up myself. I suppose it is a combination of both. Heh. Knowing that doesn’t stop me from asking why though.

You cannot possibly be in love with me. Are you really, really sure? I haven’t really done anything special. Let’s not make any mistakes.