Wednesday, March 29, 2006

V for Vendetta

(May contain spoilers)

Man, I just caught this show yesterday after a speeded up MPW meeting. So sorry Chloe and Lala! I feel really guilty but at the same time I do not regret watching the show... It is THAT GOOD. It fundamentally veers away from the original graphic novel's theme and that kinda pissed off Alan Moore (the author) who wanted no association with this movie adaption. Basically the comic book V for Vendetta centers around the concept of anarchy vs fascism. V was supposed to be an anarchist, not a straight generic hero character that the movie made him out to be.

But I love the movie adaptation. No, you're never gonna see the man behind the mask. And you're never gonna find out who he is. At first I was really itching to find out who the bloody guy is and how he really looks like, but nearing the end of the movie, you kind of realize that who he is isn't important, it's the idea behind the mask that's important.

I was so touched by one scene that I bawled my eyes out like a baby. I think I may be the only one in the whole theatre to cry! G, who was sitting beside me, was looking nonplussed as if he didn't really get what I was crying at. "But it's a predictable scene, you know it's going to happen. I've watched enough movies like this." That's what he said.

Urgh. Well, my only argument is, you can try depicting the same scene by putting together other people with other voices, other clothes, in another environment, but it may not look touching at all. It's not just the story that makes it cry-worthy but the atmosphere, the timing, and the actors' chemistry that made the whole thing strike a chord.

Well, It struck my chord anyway.

So you wanna know who this guy V really is?

Click here.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? Errh. Too late, I've fallen for him, or rather, his ideas. And his intellectual speech, his soothing voice, his silent confidence and the utmost dedication to his cause.

I rate this movie E for Excellent.

Shall end off with another V quote:

"A revolution without dancing... is a revolution not worth having."

Quite right!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

the quantitative methods of love

0 = you gotta lower your standard
1 = just perfect. How nice for you, you lucky ****
2 = excellent, keep up the good work
3 = great
4 = better be careful
5 = too many
6 = way waay too many, but they say 7 is a lucky number
7 = one for every day of the week
.
.
.
10 = damn you must be good-looking
.
.
.
20 = get the hell out of here you player
.
.
.
30 = speed-dating, huh?
.
.
.
100 = ... are you a prostitute??

First time blogging during QM class. Usually the Prof explains the concepts so fast we haven't got time to sip our drinks or catch 12 winks, and then he lets us off early too ergo no need for anti-boredom activities such as MSN or blogs.

But today is different, yes indeed it is. He's put up a pile of slides summarizing the whole term's worth of topics and for me at least this class has become a classic case of ramblings going into my left ear and coming out a split second later through my right ear.

Hang on. Must shift lappie so that he can't see what I'm doing.

Should've chosen a more strategic seat (ie. at the back) rather than sitting near the door barely 1m away from him.

Oh well, he's a nice Prof, I'm sure he won't mind.

Anyway, I can't log in to MSN. So irritating, just when I wanted to go online and tease Yang about his latest love pursuit. I have a theory that many SMU students tried to log in at the exact, precise same time such that the server became clogged and everybody got thrown out of their MSN connection.

G just asked me to watch Vendetta. I WANT!!! Unfortunately I have an urgent MPW meeting after class. Have presentation on Friday. Dammit. F*** Rob Parson and his f***ing case. Hmmm. Maybe we can finish the meeting in 15 minutes. What say you, Ms Lim Wei Wei? Let's make record time for the Most Efficient Meeting Ever Held in SMU. Or else Most Slack Meeting Ever.

Monday, March 27, 2006

bitching about bitchiness

I'm just wondering. How can you tell when you cross the line from being witty to being downright mean-ass bitchy? I mean, witty people tend to crack insult jokes about their friends sometimes and these friends take it in their stride. But I'll be damned if there weren't one occasion when a friend actually felt offended but chose not to say anything.

Example
Friend: My hair makes me look like shit today!
Witty person: Well, you never looked good in the first place.

In such a situation, you either laugh it off or you feel a crack in your confidence. So how? How do you differentiate the witty from the bitchy? I mean, there are certain statements you can make that would be easily identifiable as either.

Bitchy: Get the hell out my sight you filthy maggot.

Bitchy comments attack you personally, pinpointing your greatest / most obvious weaknesses and twisting them around into vicious poison arrows.

Witty: Time is a great teacher, but it kills all of its students.

Some witty comments are neutral and can be enjoyed by everybody.

It's really the friendly digs that confuse me. Personally, someone once told me that a plaid miniskirt I have looked like tablecloth. To me that's okay because he's entitled to his own opinion, and because I didn't care what he thought as long as I like the skirt. I think that when it comes to dressing, you should never try to impress anyone except for yourself. But at the same time, some other girl who really cared about what this witty person said would have felt a little thrown off.

So I guess when it comes to borderline cases such as this, it really depends on 1) the personality of the target of the jibe, 2) the relationship between the witty person and the target and 3) the topic of the jibe itself as some topics may be taboo to even the most confident and easy-going target.

Guess prudence has to be practiced when it comes to deciding on whether to say something that you think is funny but yet a little bit mean. This is something I've got to curb as well as I have some smart-ass tendencies and well, nobody likes a smart-ass.

In time, I hope to master Selective Bitchiness, which is an art of switching your bitchiness on and off depending on whether you really wanna attack the person. But meanwhile, if I had inadvertently hurt you with a callous remark, you have my heartfelt apologies.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

anonimity is ugly

Guh. Just checked my school email early in the morning with a slight hope that I'll get a nice email from somewhere (equivalent to checking your mailbox hoping somebody's dropped a $1m blank check) and all I got was some junk and my MPW presentation's peer evaluation.

A bit of background on this peer evaluation business. Basically your classmates will rate you on your material coverage and how well you answered their questions during the Q&A session. And then they'll also give written feedback on what you could improve on.

And, well, I didn't know people can be so ruthless! Ugh. To think I've always given everyone either 6's or 7's upon 7 for their rating. And yet the average rating I got was... well... it pretty darn sucked and coupled by a slight headache due to lack of sleep yesterday due to clubbing, well, it just SUCKED real bad.

The peer evaluation seems portentous, an omen of bad things to come. I just knew it. I'm going into that annual phase of bad-luck plague (last year I had a period of time where for two straight weeks I suffered bad luck every single day, including having to evacuate from GV theatre in the middle of Batman Begins because of a fire). Why else would my MPW text drop at such a miraculous angle that it dislodged the letter Z? Why else would weird people follow our group around on the dance floor yesterday? Why else would my fringe cut be too short and disastrous? And the biggest why of all shall remain within the domains of my mind.

Oh, how I hope this darn evaluation won't be included in the final grade. I really do not like this at all.

I feel unloved.

... See? See! Feeling moody again. Damnit! What the hell is wrong with me. Why on earth am I acting like such a repressed compulsive depressive? Gah. I've got no reason to feel like this. After all I got my Bath exchange together with Z and Y, which was real lucky, and I feel quite confident about the latest Income Tax test... unless I've miraculously botched that up as well.

Anyway, let's talk about nicer things such as Jun's birthday celebration at MOS yesterday. The music at Smoove was really really good! Can't wait to go there again. Maybe I'll go next week!!! Any takers? It's just so fun. The bunch of us were dancing together and then what Jun described as a 'natural phenomenon' happened - we got surrounded by lots and lots of boys (not cute). Then I danced with Kunz... then with Fen... then together in a group again... Then I had to rush home... And that's about it. Oh, and some weird foreign dark-skinned short men asked Fen and I whether we were from Singapore. I don't know what Fen answered, but I kept quiet 'cos they looked freakily dwarfish.

...

Ugh. Just saw this post's title and got depressed again. It's weird because I don't wanna sink into a funk over this rather than my usual 'let me wallow in self-pity' stance and yet I still can't be rid of the sucky feeling. Hence conscious effort is not enough to banish away all moody thoughts. At times like this I feel pangs of something missing - I haven't got a boyfriend to say 'it's okay, it's all right' anymore. Not that Uncle G ever automatically said any of those comforting words. This is how it used to go:

Me: blah blah blah *complains moodily about some trivial / life & death matter*
G: Oh! Erm... Haha... Well... *pauses then awkwardly laughs again* Arhmm... Haha I really don't know what to say!
Me: *sulks and keeps quiet for a while* You're supposed to comfort me and say 'it's okay, it's gonna be all right, everything's gonna be fine'.
G: Huh?! Erm... *awkwardly laughs* Hahahahaha... Okay. Well, *in a very faked concerned tone* everything's gonna be all right, okay? *makes weird / funny faces to indicate he's not comfortable saying those words*
Me: ..................

Ugh. Great. Gotta get ready for school. Having Meeting Marathon today. Right now, I feel like bashing a hole into a sack of rice or aiming a bazooka at someone.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

say hi to my new wallpaper

This is what I do when I'm supposed to be studying for Tax. Total # of wallpapers created (1), total # of tax exercises done (0). I be screwed.

Incidentally, total # of times looked into mirror and thought of ways to hide disastrous fringe cut (1,036,592,887).

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

i know some real bad tricks*

Hmmm. Many apologies for the moody-esque posts. It may be due to hormonal instability which in turn may be due to that period of... well, period. Blah. I hate the fact that women are vulnerable to waves of emo moments just because we don't happen to have appendages stuck to our pelvis. Guys have it waaaay better.

Actually I wasn't really emo today until my MPW text accidentally dropped onto my lappie in such an angle that it wedged against the Z button, effectively destroying the spring mechanism of afore-mentioned button. Tried to fix it by myself and the components of the spring disintegrated. Goddamn Z button is now double-sided-taped down.

As you know, I am a control freak and a perfectionist. If anything around me goes awry or turns imperfect I will fret until it goes back to normal. And that's why I am freaking out over a letter.

Anyway, on to more cheerful stuff. *long pause* Ah well, there isn't really more cheerful stuff. My singular life is a dull one. ........... That's a hint by the way.

Uncle G got me addicted to this song Photo by Ryan Cabrera:

A photo can say a thousand things
But it can't say the million things
I wanna say

A photo can capture the way we were
But it can't capture the way we are
Cause you're far away

What it's like to know you
What it's like to touch you

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You can't tell me you dont need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

Timing lost minutes and moments
Yeah I might be lonely girl
But I'm not afraid

In a second it all comes right back to me
No nothing's forgotten now
Yeah everything's saved

What it's like to touch you
What it's like to know you

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

You were my life
You were my faith
You gave me hope everyday

When you told me that you loved me
Were those just words?
You can't tell me you don't need me
And I know that hurts
Cause I'm looking at your picture
Cause it's all I've got
Maybe one day you and me will have
One more shot

It's quite witty right? 'One more shot'. As in a picture shot as well as a second chance. Haha. Erh. I'm such a geek. Shall attempt to sleep off the Letter Z situation.

*such as dislodging buttons

Saturday, March 18, 2006

feelin' gloomy and have no idea why i'm photo-blogging

Today has sucked from the get-go. Mood was not very good to start with as I've only got about 3.5 hours of sleep. Attended SAAT orientation and that was all right (free Delifrance mini cakes, of course it was all right). But then things got bad during TWC project meeting. Was really stressed about the amount of work that we'd done (read: close to zilch). And the fact that I haven't got anywhere to go after the meeting. And that I didn't have lunch at all and was suffering hunger pangs at 3.30 pm. And that I didn't have anyone to lunch with (Yang offered as long as it was before two pm. S had to leave at two so we were trying to rush the project so I couldn't make it for lunch with him, and then when she left I stayed back for another hour to tidy up the report because I was too wrought-up to leave it in the bloody mess that it was). Was grumpy that I was going straight home but it was the best option there was.

Overslept in the bus because was too tired and when I woke up I've missed my house by two stops. So never mind... Walked the 800m (?) back in a grump carrying heavy bag + laptop + QM textbook and pissed-offness was augmented whenever truckdrivers / cyclers whistled and honked at me. I know you're supposed to take it as a compliment but really, I could've done without the noise and the feeling of being harrassed.

Dropped by KAP to pick up my favourite instant noodles, which I straightaway cooked once I reached home.

And now I've just remembered the two things I still need to get done by tonight which is to do my part of the slides for Monday's TWC presentation and do my QM homework and I just can't be arsed because it is friggin' 9.40 pm and I know I'm gonna have to stay up 'til late to do them and now my eyes are already closing, I am just so tired. I need sleep. And I need love. I feel totally alone today.

Feeling of frustration was augmented when I saw the spineless dust beneath the carpet online on MSN. Ugh. And when I saw that Mr Camel was NOT online. Double ugh and a sigh.

He waited all afternoon for me to be ready
But when I was finally ready he was not there
And it made me wonder
Whether he was really there in the first place

I know that this moment of loneliness comes to everyone once in a while, and that it will pass (as some patronizing fella once told me), but just for now I can do nothing but sink into a funk over it. It's not that I want to feel this way, it's just that circumstances don't let me feel otherwise.

This isn't how it was supposed to feel like. Would you catch me if I fall? Could you?

Buggerations. Please don't ask me if I'm okay. I wouldn't be able to give an answer in the affirmative.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

PEBL Episode II: The Holland V Romance

Nifty hey? I really need to buy a nicer pouch. Right now am using freebie Ralph Cool phone pouch and the rainbow colors don't really go with the sleek black design of the PEBL. Also need to get another purse, hopefully can find a nice one from Braun Buffel, and that pink Adidas jacket that's on sale, plus get a haircut as fringe is looking too long and non-fringey.

So anyway, have you ever imagined what your future life will be like? I was on the bus this morning (well, okay, late morning) and I passed by Holland V. It got me imagining a future scenario in which my boyfriend/partner/husband and I are strolling leisurely down Holland V, holding our hands in a relaxed manner and feeling the breeze through our hair. We're wearing casual-chic outifts in light colours from Lacoste, and his Rolex glints subtly against the sunlight (as does my Tiffany ring). We're conversing about nothing much, too immersed in each other's presence. We know we could take our time and we're relishing it. We discuss politics over breakfast at Delifrance, each of us knowing in our hearts that we're not really interested in the topic and all we'd rather do is gaze into each others' eyes and feel our hearts fill with warmth. Unspoken is the knowledge that we're safe because we have each other and that this is for real, for a long time.

Mmmmmm.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

hello moto

My dad's just bought me a brand new phone! It's a Motorola PEBL, and I so am lovin' it parapapapa. It's oh-so-sleek with hotter-than-yours curves - a perfect midnight black beauty. I like.

Though it did take me a couple of minutes to figure out how to open it at first.

I've been so obsessed with trying to work out my PEBL that I:
1. Almost missed my bus stop
2. Got so distracted I stopped MSN-ing halfway (yes, I am guilty of MSN-ing during project meeting)
3. Could only think of where to find Motorola service centers for the better half of the day
4. Brought the Motorola manual along with me to school
5. Actually read the manual

I'm still not very familiar with all of its functions now but I did master the one-handed-flipping-phone technique. Managed to look aloof as I did so as well. So there. I AM COOL. Hahahahaha!

On another casual note, had a crashing bore of a family dinner at New Harbo(u?)r at Tanjong Pagar. My dad is a silent partner of that cafe / pub (ain't he cool? He co-owns a pub yo) so he wanted all of his kids to go there, get a taste of the food (unfortch not the beer), and then recommend the place to their friends. Sigh. What made it a crashing bore was the fact that his boss happened to be in town and called him up for dinner and then he had to invite the boss along to our supposedly small family gathering. Aaaack major awkwardness alert! And his boss is the CEO of the company (noh, not the pub, but rather my dad's day-job company) so my poor daddy had to act chauffeur for the boss, his wife, and their kid. But well, all's good. Talked to W and G most of the time. We discussed the finer details of gory flicks and Singapore's legendary soccer players (of which there is only one).

So anyway, the pub. If you're in the mood to try some place new please do go to New Harbor and give my dad some business. The food there is pretty good and affordable. I'd recommend their mixed grill or chicken maryland. DON'T order the bloody prawn mee. It is like $10++ and only exists on the menu for the purpose of tricking gullible ang moh tourists. Whom I think are the majority of their customers.

Let's close this off with some project-related whining.

While Syd and Kun are off galumphing to the shops tomorrow, I'll be ensconsced in my bed rushing TWC & Tax projects. Well I say 'rush' but really I predict that I will stare at the screen for one hour, then pick up Bridget Jones to read, then wander off to find something to eat, then settle back down while chewing chocolate and start typing a bit, then realise that I've spilled some choc bits onto the keyboard, then get up again to get Kleenex, then attempt to brush the choc bits off but they end up going deeper beneath the keyboard, then curse and flip laptop upside down to shake it, then accidentally unplug the adaptor off when shaking, then curse when I realise my few typed words are gone unsaved, then turn on the lappie again, then go off outside to watch a bit of TV while lappie's loading, then enjoy TV too much and forget that I have projects to rush.

Uncle G - I'm really sorry but most likely I can't spend time with you tomorrow. We'll arrange for another time, ja?

By the way, Jess has just got herself a blog! Like, finally. Haha! Go check it out. Babe - I've linked you!

Ergh. Am kinda sleepy now and not sure how to end this extremely long and pieced-together (*cough* Chloe) post. What about with a pinch of wisdom:
Big birds leave big turds.

...... Yeah. I don't get that either, actually.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

of greener pastures, grass, and what-not

It's ironic that I feel more complete without a man in my life. The freedom that comes from not compromising, not having to wait, not being involved in emotionally-exhausting quarrels... it's exhilarating.

Woke up this morning and a chapter in my life seemed to have snapped shut. Felt like a butterfly which had just managed to struggle free of its coccoon.

Which is not the same as saying that I wanna be a nun, or worse, an SFL (Spinster For Life). Just that since I am perfectly capable of functioning as a human being without a man, I can take my time to consider carefully any romantic proposal which may come my way.

I want to be who I want to be, not someone whom some silly guy wants me to be.

I don't desire the grass beyond the white picket fence.

Monday, March 06, 2006

the butterflies in my stomach moved on to my heart and ate it all up

I like you. But can I be with you? Was skimming through past entries of this blog. Last term... was tumultuous at best. Was wincing as I glanced through more and more bitter entries. I don't want to turn back into that person. This term is infinitely... happier? ... I think?

I ache now, I feel pain. But it's nothing compared to the crippling feeling I had back then. I don't want to go back there. I felt ugly and I was an ugly person. I'm not mature at all. I wasn't being strong - I was being bitchy and mean. I need to change. I need to be a better person.

I want to make it good.

Heh. Maybe I do think about boys all of the time. How frickin' shallow. How narrow-minded. You make me feel small. Now I don't know who I am anymore. I'm lost and I can't even have you anymore.

Or can I?

You are bad for me. I hurt even when we're not together. And yet there are times when you make me smile. I'm confused.

I don't know who to turn to.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

fuck that

fuck the guy who doesn't care
the guy who plays around
fuck the guy who's fickle-minded
the one with the empty promises

fuck the guy who hurts you bad
then turns around and thinks it's all right
fuck the guy who can't be bothered
the one who loves you only for a moment

fuck the guy who can't take your shit
the guy who only wants to have fun
fuck the guy who says he's sorry
if he's sorry as shit he wouldn't have done it

fuck the guy who's never there
the guy you can never ever trust
fuck the guy who acts all nice
then it turns out to be a big disguise

fuck all that
we don't need that
we got us girls
and only us

i'm pretty effing high
all da s.i.m.p's of the world, are you seeing this?
you seen the ugly side of me
you still dare to say you love me?

for better for worst
for richer for poorer
no hearts will be broken, forever?
yeah, i don't think so.

don't butter me up one second
and retreat the next
don't fuck with me
i didn't fuck with you, did i?

think. don't act on impulses
our feelings last longer than yours
respect us
don't play with us.

i beg of you.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I FREAKING TOUCHED MIKE SHINODA!!!

During the Fort Minor pre-concert party. OMG. Am officially a shrieking teenybopper. Can't believe how star-struck I was. Pictures up later, too lazy to upload 'em now.

Concert was a BLAST though I hardly knew any of their songs (only familiar with 3 - Believe Me, Petrified, and Remember The Name). That sure didn't stop me from dancing though. To sum up, it was like going clubbing with nice music + screaming + getting splashed with water by Mike Shinoda (what's up with that?) (but I forgive him, because he totally rocks) - the smoke smell.

And then in class today I almost fell asleep because I was tired and the class was not nearly as exciting as the concert. Which led me to think of the following:

You Know You're Dying of Boredom In Class When...
1. You message people on MSN whom you wouldn't normally talk to.
2. You can't keep your eyes off the clock to do countdowns every few secs.
3. You feel like hitting yourself over the head for not bringing your lappie along, and then contemplates stealing someone else's.
4. You have an undeniable urge to climb up the table and do some breakdancing, and you don't know how to breakdance.
5. Your pencil has drummed a hole into the table. In fact you've been drumming it so hard the whole pencil has shattered and the lead has flown off the cartridge into your neighbour's nose.

Oh vell.

Feel so jaded towards the end of the day. I just wanted to cuddle up in bed and sleep... but ended up chatting (and online window-shopping, thanks to Jess). I think Z's right. I tend to view each of my days as an isolated entity. This results in me not having a very cheerful outlook when looking back at a sample of a few days, they have all been crap. I just straightaway assumed the rest of my life will be crap, too. But I know that's ridiculous even when assessed through logical statistical theory. By normal distribution, my days should tend to the 'normal' side rather than being mostly 'crap'. The 'crap' days are a biased sample. I know this. I learnt AS. And yet I can't help feeling as low as if I'm submerged 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea.

Anyway, help me do this?

http://kevan.org/johari?name=mon007

I've jumped up the Johari bandwagon. Well, actually I jumped up the Johari bandwagon about a week ago, but then I forgot all about it, but now I remember, so I'm asking now.

Oh heck, I'm feeling so blue, won't you throw in a hug as well?