Monday, February 28, 2005

lesson #118: pensive

Sometimes I wonder. Is living a life really all that great? Everyday, you face stress. There's the pressure of work and projects. There's the promises you've made to yourself to do this and to not do that. Eat healthy, do more situps, and stop wasting money. It's so easy to vow that you'll do all those things, but at the end of the day, how many of them gets accomplished? Maybe just one or two. More likely, none gets accomplished.


You forget, you slipped. Or you're so stressed out with outside pressure that you can't bear adding on to it with what your own self cooked up. Even at home, a place that's supposed to be your last resting place, you have to face your parents. Parents who see you as waist-high and in pigtails. Parents who treat you without respect as a fellow adult. Parents who bring about a surge of frustration, dissatisfaction, anger. All the sucky feelings in the world that really, you can do without.


Sometimes, I really have no idea what I'm doing here. To what purpose? I dream big. Of cars, money, and ultimate success. But really, in the end, how much of it will I accomplish? Why do I trudge on like a hamster on a wheel. Why does life have to be such a trialthon challenge.


Sometimes, you just want that time, freedom, and space to live like how YOU want to live. And stop being a puppet, moving jerkily on taut strings.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

lesson #39: mp3 dj

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly


We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside, somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside


-- Switchfoot, Meant to Live


Stacy do you remember when I mowed your lawn?
Your mom came out with just a towel on
I could tell she likes me from the way she stared
And the way she said, "You missed a spot over there."
And I know that you think its just a fantasy
But since your dad walked out
Your mom could use a guy like me


Stacy's mom has got it goin on
She's all I want, and I've waited for so long
Stacy can't you see, you're just not the girl for me
I know it might be wrong but I'm in love with Stacy's mom


-- Fountains of Wayne, Stacy's Mom


Lil' mama show me how you move it
go ahead put yo back into it
Do ya thang like there aint nothin to it
Shake, sh-sh-shake that ass girl


-- 50 cent, Disco Inferno


Heaven must be missin' an angel
Missin' one angel, child
'cause you're here with me right now


Your love is heavenly, baby
Heavenly to me, baby


Your kiss is filled with tenderness
I want all I can get of your sexiness
Showers, your love comes in showers
And every hour on the hour
You let me feel your loving power


-- Tavares, Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel


Yeah... Uh huh
So seductive


I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollypop
Go ahead girl, don't you stop
Keep goin 'til you hit the spot, whoa


I'll take you to the candy shop
Boy one taste of what I got
I'll have you spending all you got
Keep going 'til you hit the spot, whoa


-- 50 cent, Candy Shop

Friday, February 25, 2005

lesson #43: WHAAAH-TCHOO!

There's a new, au naturel source of water in my house. It can generate quite a plentiful amount of water, despite the intermittent sneezing and snorting sounds it makes.


GUESS WHAT IT IS??


My friggin' nose. It's been runny all day long. Don't know how many tissues I used up. Am really tempted now to stick a tissue paper up each nostril to stop the running, a la this girl in my class in Sec school. She really did that. In public. Where everybody in the class could see. I think me and my clique then (E-ed, Mimi, Fio - di mana loe??) had quite a few laughs out of that. Which was very mean of us. I think it's karma now that I'm also down with a nose that just keeps churning out Non-Stop Hits.


Anyway, despite having been sick all day long, I still managed to go and have a short shopping trip after G's shortlived stint in a badminton championship thingummy. He won the first game and lost the second one, and that was that. It's not that he isn't good, just that his opponents were better. And cuter (the male opponent - they played mixed doubles). But also fatter! Had to add that last bit just in case G explodes in a jealous rage.


Guess where I went? Forever 21. And splurged a wholesome $58. $38 on a peach dress (well, it's actually a top, but it's long enough to be worn as a rather short dress), $11 on a gold-themed baubled bracelet, and $9 on black / silver earrings. G got himself what he named "Army Specs", ie. a pair of eyeglasses to be worn during his impending re-service days. The total came up to a mere $60.90. 'Mere' as compared to my $420. Baaaah. Why must I go and have that Armani pair? There were quite a few nice, quirky ones at the cheap shop just now! $48 for frame + lens. Totally worth it... Just in case you're interested, the optics shop is called Vision One, located at Lucky Plaza #02-108.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

lesson #106: do somethin'

I see u looking at me
Like I'm some kind of a freak
Get up out of your seat
WHY DON'T U DO SOMETHIN'?





I see you looking at me
Like I got what you need
Get up out of your seat
WHY DON'T U DO SOMETHIN'?


Totally lurve Britney. She's got so much attitude. I lurve the vid! My period cramps are forgotten as I listened to this song. She empowers me! Woo-hooooo!


Gonna go and do somethin'.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

lesson #47: bleeding

Can't believe I was feeling on top of the world mere weeks ago. Can't even remember how that feels like now. Neck-deep in work. I want to scream but my throat hurts. I want to call out but who? Who will come to my rescue?


Who can help me? I can't help myself. Feel so out of touch. Everything is just surreal... Dear me, remember this day. Let this be the lowest point ever. No way will you let yourself sink lower. No way. Discipline. Hard work. Everything has got to go.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

lesson #22: my sweet valentine

Happy Long-Overdue Valentine's Day 2005!


He gave me a long black box. Inside is soft fine sand, shiny black pebbles, and white candles. Held upright by the sand are miniature pictures of the times we spent together, including even Solitaire Shockdown and the clubbing candle. Sweet, meaningful, sincere! I love it...

lesson #51: one woman's struggle against the spider

Spiders are probably one of the more icky-looking bugs there ever were. It's slightly below those slimy green worms and slightly above buzzing beetles. And tonight, just now in fact, when I opened up my laptop, one of them jumped out right in front of my eyes. It's brown with a dotted back. I quickly snatched up a bunch of tissues and tried to pick it up, but it slipped out like the little bugger it is. Managed to get it off my laptop and onto the floor. Was gonna broom it to death, but when I came back with my ultimate weapon, couldn't find it anymore. Lucky b******. I swear, Tobey Maguire is spiders' only saving grace.


Long day today. Started with CT project presentations, which extended the session by half an hour. Our group gave out free Campbell's mushroom soup. During the later half of the session, was feeling kinda antsy because I was scared of being late for a modelling interview thingummy. But G drove me there like a madman, so turned out I wasn't so late after all. And the 'interview' was a waste of one hour. The guy talked mostly crap most of the time. He painted a very pretty picture until he suddenly dabbed on $163. Ting! The whole interview was like a suspense movie, the suspense being, "When is he gonna drop the one-time-payment bomb? Tick tock tick tock!"


But the suspense then can't be compared to the one I sustained for half of Hide And Seek, which I watched at Plaza Sing. The show's kinda creepy, with a rather unexpected twist.


'Come out, come out, wherever you are...'


Done in a sing-song voice, it's the creepiest thing EVER.


Spent $420 on a pair of Armani specs. Actually just went into the optics shop in a whim, and went on to try some of the nicer specs they offered. Pondered on whether I looked better in either of two Dolce & Gabbana specs, but then decided that the Armani one fit the best. And then basically I just got carried along through the whole process of buying specs. Taking eye measurements and all that. Eeeek! But I do need new specs, so no worries about the spending. Can't wait to tell people, "It's Armani." (Not sure if it's Giorgio or Emporio. Giorgio's the dresses, right?) It's got the kitschest lime green handles.


Also bought a $30 capri jeans from Ebase (40% off storewide). Basically almost all the shops in PS are having a sale, including x:odus. What a time to be broke! Sigh.


On that broke note, will have to cancel on going Mambo tomorrow. Besides, also have BGS mid-terms on Friday as well as Biz Law next Wednesday. Not forgetting the tonnes of homework, all credit goes to Finance and AS Profs. Think might go Zouking on Friday though, if I could get free passes, but will have to study hard on the days before that.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

lesson #200: kiss and tell

Zouk last night. Drank Long Island, Brown Cow, Lambo. Mags and PS, the pangseh-ers, missed out on a lot of lesb action. Frenched Jing dunno how many times. Haha. We were both slightly high. Music at Phuture wasn't that nice but I didn't really care. We just danced and danced and danced and then halfway, we lost my dance babes. Lost 'em to the power of Zouk. We girls were quite touchy-feely. And wild. Dunno if attracted a lot of attention though. G unexpectedly came. Dunno how he managed to find me. When he left to go to the toilet one guy tried to pick me up. But then G came back just in time.


Me, Syd, and Kun watched Dancetitude beforehand together with G, Michelle, and her bf Zhiqi. The show was all right. Not very spectacular. G raced Zhiqi on the highway.


Night ended with me and Jing talking a lot of Indo rubbish on the car as G who was also high drove us. Reckless! Damn funny. I LOVE YOUUUUU-jing. Haha.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

lesson #75: vegetarian

I'm turning vegetarian. I started today. It all began during lunchtime at Ficus (some random SMU cafeteria) when I consumed a vegetarian meal because I was sick of everything else that the canteens offered. The meal tasted pretty good and so I thought it wasn't that bad to be a vegetarian. And you can think of it as a commercial strategy. One more person stops eating meat, the market for red/white meat decreases in size, and the meat people will have to start doing hectic price competition in order to stay afloat.


I told G that I thought the veggie food was yummie and that it didn't taste at all like veggie food (past experience was that it's all soggy and mushy and bland, and the 'meat' usually still taste very much like flour). Then I told him I'm gonna try to be a vegetarian. This is what he said:


G: *snorts* Are you starting tomorrow or today? Because if you tell me you're gonna start tomorrow, then you're never gonna start.
Me: *deadpan look* Starting today. Right now.
G: You won't last 'til tonight.
Me: *stubbornly* I will.
G: This means no more minced meat noodle (my fav noodle dish) you know. Or Taiwanese chicken chop (they're selling it at our school for $4 a pop and it is pretty darn good. You can smell it from a yard away, not that I know how long a yard is. Trust me, it's delish.)
Me: Uh-huh...


Well anyway, let's see just how long this is gonna last, given that I'm not motivated by any religious / animal-activistic reasons.


On a completely different note, there's a new fragrance by Escada called Rockin' Rio. I just love Escada's perfume bottles. I'm so tempted to steal back the Magnetic Beat which I gave my mum for last year's Mother's Day. It smells so candy-like, totally yummy! The one I'm using right now is Island Kiss, but it's running out. I can't wait to try Rio. The bottle design is exactly like Island Kiss, just that the colour combi for Rio is pink and yellow instead of pink and ocean blue. Will have to go to some dept store and sniff it soon, so that I'll be in time to call my dad and ask him to get some (ok, one. Uno.) for me from duty-free.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

lesson #52: quizzies!

The Leveller


As a leveller, you've got your life together. While other personalities major too much on thinking or feeling, you are in perfect balance. You respond to situations with clear-sightedness, taking your cue from your feelings, but using your mind to help you make decisions and action plans.


The positives: You're very together. You really take life by the scruff of the neck and do what you want with it. You make and achieve your goals because you have all the bits of the lifestyle jigsaw.


The negatives: There aren't many other people like you. You might sometimes feel you're the only sorted person in the world!


The leveller at work: You are a good colleague and team member able to support but also keep people on task. You're particularly good at management roles where the need is to balance out different sets of needs without getting swamped by your feelings.


The leveller in love:You are a great partner because you rarely get hooked into the sort of destructive patterns that many of the other personality types do.


Your love match is: Your ideal pairing is with a leveller and you'll both live happily ever after. With any of the other personality types you risk doing all the giving, simply because you are more together than they are.


What should you do? Carry on doing what you're doing and make sure that your friends, relatives, colleagues and partners are duly grateful for your having you around.


Find out your personality type here


---


You're a SAUCEPOT


You might think your sex appeal peaks and dips depending on your mood - in fact, you're pretty irresistible any day. It's the fact that you're so uncontrived that makes men notice you. Some nights you might glam yourself up, other times you go as you are. Oddly enough, it's the times when you don't make an effort that you're at your most alluring. Men treat you as an equal and know they can have a laugh with you - then, just as they've got you labelled as a mate, they realise they're falling hook, line and sinker.


Boost your sex appeal by: enhancing your good points. Using your excellent flirting skills - you're playful and teasing rather than off-putting. Just be yourself.


How sexy are you?

Friday, February 11, 2005

lesson #45: misunderstood

Don't even bother. Why should I even try? My life sucks. All I wanna do is wallow in self-pity. Even more angry that they keep saying how lucky I am. I should treasure what I have. So now I'm made to feel guilty for feeling that my life sucks. FREAK! I hate my fucking life. Nothing's going right with it. Not a single fucking thing. Feeling so detached from everyone. Why bother? In the end it's all about me. Me me me me me. I'm going to be a hermit and live in the mountains together with goats. I honestly don't know why I'm even bothering. So friggin' stressed. Nothing is going right! Nothing makes me feel happy. Everything, everyone is demanding so much! Enough already. Enough! I hate dumbasses. Stupid... stupid... stupid. It's a bad time to be having PMS. Fuck what the hell am I going to do. Now I'm being vulgar and I'll offend people. ARGH. I hate feeling guilty for feeling sucky! Why can't I just freely say... what is on my mind. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

lesson #89: poster child?

Went to Sentosa with G yesterday. Actually, for the first one and a half hours we were settling his Asoc stuff. G has grand plans - he wants to be the president of SMU's Accountancy Association (Asoc). Hence his great involvement in the planning of the organisation's activities. This particular event is a 'retreat' or in layman's terms an orientation camp for the coming Accountancy freshies. He plans to hold it in Sentosa and so we were at Costa Sands yesterday checking out the chalets which he wants to book for overnight stay. Were driven to Sentosa by Alvan, a senior.


After countless negotiations and after Alvan left, we made our way to the beach, where he continued to answer important calls in which the phrases 'my finance side' and 'a thousand four hundred, fifty by cheque' came oft from his mouth. I was bored stiff.



'Oh yes, yes, yes... I see. So is it possible for my finance side to send you the cheque latest by Friday?'


After a while, the important calls stopped coming and we were able to really start suntanning.



Suntanning by the bamboo pole.



Suntanning by the palm trees.


After a thorough suntanning*, we went to Plaza Sing to eat a late lunch. Bought a nice turtleneck sweater from U2 for just $13. It's honestly a great bargain! Please do snap it up. It fits well!


When we got back, my fingers felt a bit itchy so I played around with Photoshop and came up with these 'posters' for G's freshie camp, 'Absolut U'. Basically I just added words onto the photos.








We thought it was pretty funny so G sent them to some people in his freshie camp committee and also to Alvan, and Alvan said, 'Well, that's our posters settled'. I totally didn't intend to suddenly be making actual posters for them. But apparently I did. Not sure if they'll really use them though. Weird how one thing leads to another. Things just move so fast sometimes that you're only half aware of them happening!


* Banana Boat's Suntannical is amazing. I got an even tan and the lotion doesn't stink / smell like sunscreen at all. It smells kinda fruity-tutty. Get the SPF 15 one at $14.90, it smells nice!

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

lesson #84: where to buy a packet of creative juice?

Almost forgot about Finance mid-term earlier today. So many things have happened! The mid-term MCQ questions looked really hard at first. I guess that ought to teach me not to take things so easily next time.


The more interesting part of the day started at Bugis Village. G brought me there. It was kind of hot and I was just silently melting but my eyes did spy a lot of nice things. Or at least things which look nice from afar but when you come closer they turn BLAH. I managed to buy two mini miniskirts for $10 each, though. One is pink with translucent flowery layers. The other one is brownish, also with flowery patterns. I can't bend when I wear them or else there'll be some peek-a-boo action. But still. They look great. (I also tried on a black L-sized skirt which fitted me snugly. L-sized! I can't be that fat. Honestly, whose sizes are they? Some starved children in Borovia?)


Afterwards, we went to the much better air-conditioned Bugis Junction, and found me a new schoolbag. At first I was going to pay for a pink, half-shiny half-suede shoulder bag. But at the last minute I glimpsed the stripey shoulder bag which G had spotted earlier on, but which I neglected to pay attention to. Changed my mind and chose to get the stripey one instead. And G paid for it as a Valentine's day present for me! So cool. Also snapped up two pairs of dangly earrings, one pinkish and one reddish, and faced some problems when I went up to pay for them. The cashier screwed up my transaction and I had to enter my PIN number twice, despite my seeing with my own eyes the word 'APPROVED' after I keyed in the numbers the first time round. Made some noise and wasted a lot of time. Kinda crappy but it turned out okay in the end. Still, we shouldn't have had to waste so much time there.


Our next stop was Art Friend at Bras Basah. There are so many nice artsy-fartsy stuff there! They have all these wooden hinged boxes that are just oh-so-cute. They sell nail arts, henna tattoos, and glittery fabric paint. They sell rolls of silk as well! We went there to get inspirations for our individual CT assignments. I've made up my mind on what project to embark on, and need to rush to buy the materials required tomorrow. Ugh. I really hate CT sometimes. At other times, I simply loathe it.


N contacted me on MSN earlier this evening. I read his blog for the first time today and got pretty nostalgic when I absorbed his first entry. But still, we all have to move on. N is still sad and dwelling on the past. I wish there's something I could do to make it all better for him, but there isn't. I'm just hoping that he'll be able to let go soon, 'cos I don't want it to affect him so much. He's got so many things going for him if only he would open his eyes and see.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

lesson #62: my plastic smile

Once again dissatisfaction sinks in. I'm feeling suffocated. Surrounded within walls made of paper. So easy to break, yet once I rip them apart, will they ever stay the same? I can't write everything freely for fear of displeasing certain people, but it can be conveyed through this song someone close once sent to me.


I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms


And what do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want me to be


And I want a moment to be real
Wanna touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong
And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here


John Rzeznik -- I'm Still Here

Friday, February 04, 2005

lesson #9: ecstatic!

All thoughts of tomorrow's MA test were blown away from my mind as I went for a mini bout of shopping after a long and dreary studying session at school. G and I went to Junction 8. He was looking for a nice, stylish white-based shirt, mainly for presentation purposes. I found him one with tiny dotted stripes of black and pink. He looks fab in it. Afraid of being accused of metrosexuality yet again, he was quick to point out that the dotted stripes were purple and not pink. I told him that it was pink, but that if he wanted to insist it was purple, I was ready to compromise at lilac.


Bought 2 Bodysoft bras for $49.90. It's way more expensive than what Jing paid a long long time ago, but then they're different designs than the one she (extremely luckily) found. Speaking of which, have to ask her again where she managed to find such good bargains because I need to stock up on comfortable bras.


G became rather antsy after a while. I've hardly looked around the shops when he started giving me bored / antsy looks. I understand that he's suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety for tomorrow's test, but the pressure I felt to hurry up and get the shopping over and done with wasn't a very nice feeling. Anyway, while he jiggled his leg away waiting for me, I managed to buy a flowery, tan-based B.U.M. top ($19.90) which I shall wear to school tomorrow.


Oh, I'm ecstatic about buying dance sneakers! Can't wait to try them on... The dance girls are ordering together to save on the shipping fees. I went to discountdance.com and discovered so many nice things! Like wonderful jazz shoes and lovely, lovely dresses. Really felt like buying them but of course I can't and shouldn't do that. Boooh. Anyway, am still deciding which model to choose. Right now my preference is skewed towards this one:



FTS1 Dance Sneaker - US$51.95.


I think the material and the shape's really dancey-chic. But there are so many alternatives in the website! If you have spare time, check out its link above. Click on 'dance sneakers' under the 'shoes' heading and help me out a bit in this decision-making malarkey. So very bad at it.


Also, for a short while at school we were celebrating G's birthday. Ordered a chocolate / oreo cake from Angie The Choice. Chose the design 'cos it's cute and cheesy.



Meet Freddy the cake!


We ate Freddy. We ate Freddy whole. Freddy is a fattening little bitch. In the end, remains of Freddy went to the dust bin. May he rest in peace.

lesson #26: it's nothing personal, it's just business

Have just got back my Biz Law grades. For our group written assignment, we were graded an overall A. Pretty spiffy. But I'm not entirely satisfied with my presentation grade (the presentation was graded individually). I received an A-. Which is not bad in some way, and yet this guy in my group has an A+. So not fair! But I do realise that my displeasure is largely emotive, because he did put in a lot more effort into the presentation than the rest of us combined. He did all the video editing, he was the most eloquent of all of us, and he did all the powerpoint-clicking wizardry, and everything. But still. An A+. I want that A+!


G had an attack of gastric yesterday. I did worry about his condition but at the same time, I couldn't help laughing as he walked around with his body bent forward (told him bending eases the pain). He looked so funny! It was so ironic - because yesterday was the eve of his birthday, he had to celebrate it by blowing the candles of the ice cream cake his mum bought him. And he had to do it while having a gastric seizure thingummy. Poor G. In the end he was okay, though.



Yeap, he was definitely okay.