Wednesday, November 30, 2005

lesson #218: o curse ye mambo-ers

Am jealous at those people who're done with their exams and are happily drinking Zouk's happy-hour drinks. I wanna get drunk and disorderly too, dammit! ... Woot. Did I just unknowingly create an alliteration?

Anyways. Let us try to concentrate our positive energy and turn that half-empty cup to a half-full one. Ohhhmmmm... If there's one good thing about stress, it is the weight loss. Think over the past two weeks I've gradually lost a kg or so. And my tummy's a bit flatter now, thank goodness. Wasn't as flat as before when I was actively going to Amore's classes and running on the treadmill, but it's an improvement. Must do more sit-ups now!

Thanks to stress, I'll be in good shape to party on Saturday. So you see, there's always a silver lining in every cloud. But in this case the lining's so thin that it's almost invisible.

Can't wait for Saturday to come, that's when we'll grab our brushes and start painting the town red!

Coming soon to theatres near you:
- Saturday's party at Liquid/Indochine/Newsroom(?) with the ladies
- Supporting Celine @ DXO, next next Thurs
- Photowhoring & Photoshop training @ Jing's
- Chillin' wit Zhi, Yang, Caesar, and Mr Ice Water next next Sat
- Ladies' Night @ Phuture with Jing before she flies off and after she flies back
- And, last but not least, suppers, cuddly moments, and romantic dinners (hint hint) with darlin' Gary.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

lesson #233: press that panic button

Ye who lack foresight will not get a Group Study Room. Goodness, SMU peeps are mad. It's revision week and they're apparently all holed up in school, studying. It's a revelation. I've always found that I study best when in bed, covered up with a comfy blanket, with the mighty-ass heavy textbook propped up on my lap. I can't zone out in school! Especially NOT in the library with all the chitter-chatter and girly giggles and chairs scraping about. Like, ARGH! SPARE ME! I tried studying at the SMU Library a few days back and got a headache plus a crick in the neck.

However. Will have to go down to school tomorrow for an Audit review session, after which it'll be too much of a hassle to go straight home again. So I guess I'll have to try and concentrate... This is bad. I'm looking at the stuff I need to cover for Company Law (have planned to study it tomorrow, Saturday and Sunday) and... this is bad. I may have finally push the last-minute studying method too far. I can just envision my ComLaw grade tumbling down the stairs towards a nice curve (C). A perfect half-circle.

AAAARRGHHH.

Sob.

And I'm so stressed out thinking of other trivial things. And yet they are not so trivial when combined together to form one big headache:

- Nano screen's scratched all over from I don't know what! Have to go down to the iPod center and see if they can do anything about it, plus purchase a protective cover, plus get one of those expensive iPod socks.
- Have to book a few more driving lessons, and do it fast before all slots get taken up, and that can happen in the blink of an eye!
- Chase my friend regarding the MAC stuff and get money to pay for my MAC stuff!
- Buy page tabs from the school bookstore, essential for open-book exams!
- Print all the necessary notes and eeegad somebody needs to scold me for NOT catching up with my notes sooner! Next term I'm gonna be good and print the notes each week. Now everything's in a mess, so disorganized I don't know where to start.
- Get last year's AIS paper from the Library!
- ....... GAAH! I don't get it. I get so stressed thinking about how much there's still left to be done and yet now when I'm attempting to list them all out, the list seems so short! So frustrating!

OK I am officially a damsel in distress. Let. Me. Press. That. Button!

lesson #262: who's viewed me?

All of you who have an account on Friendster must be familiar with the 'who's viewed me' option that it introduced a while back. Recently I've been addicted to checking out who's viewed my profile even though a) I haven't updated my Friendster profile for ages and b) most of the time, I only see weird people on the list. It must be the exam stress that's getting my curiosity on overdrive mode.

There are some facts that have to be taken into account when assessing this particular Friendster option:

1. You can choose to view others' profiles anonymously. When viewing profiles anonymously, you won't be included in the person's 'who's viewed me' list.

2. Anonymously viewing profiles means you can't check your own view list, that is Friendster won't keep record of who's viewed YOUR profile. All you can see is the profile view count and not the glorious details.

3. You can send 'smiles', supposedly to 'brighten up the day' (Friendster's words, not mine) of the person whose profile you viewed. Err, yeah. Okay.

Conclusion?
Those people who you can see on your list either a) opted NOT to be anonymous, in which case, you should be asking why do they want the people to know who they are? OR b) don't know that you can opt to be anonymous, in which case, they must not really be too overly enthusiastic about Friendster. Now, sometimes when you see a person's picture, you KNOW that he's the kind to go around looking at girls' profiles, thus he IS very enthusiastic about Friendster, hence he MUST know about the anonymous option, hence he must have CHOSEN to be known.

So what does it mean when a plain 27-year-old guy views your profile and sends you a 'smile'?

Really. I can't comprehend the reasons that these people do what they do. It's one step further than grammatically incorrect messages ('hi, can we b fren?'). Like... so you sent a person a 'smile', so what? Are you trying to get a reply out of it? If not, what's the point? I really don't know how these people think.

But they DO make Friendster entertaining. If not for them, countless females logged on to Friendster out there would feel unattractive. It really does boost your ego a little bit when you get a message saying 'i feel compeled to write 2 u'. Who cares if 'compelled' really needs a double L?

And I'm sure that the female equivalent exists. I'm sure guys out there have had Jap-looking girls (except not all of them really look like THAT in real life) asking them whether they can b fren. And I'm so sure that I bet my money on it that you boys stand up a little straighter, with chests protruding a little more, after you've read that sort of messages.

So some of the interesting people on my list are my ex and this icky guy I knew from JC, and of course that strange guy with the 'smile'.

Who's viewed you?

Saturday, November 19, 2005

lesson #235: a great afternoon reading

Think I mentioned in a previous post that I wrote an essay for this CCTE competition. The theme was 'Blue'.

What's blue to me

Blue is the underlying emotion of the past few weeks. It is the embodiment of loneliness and grief. Blue is feeling lost and alone in a room full of people you used to know, people whom you thought you knew but did not. It is the fake smiles and the superficial banters, attempts to make the awkwardness go away. It is the sadness of losing friends who were never really your friends. It is losing touch, losing grip, and falling down to a bottomless pit where you pitifully try to seek solace and comfort.

Blue is anger and injustice, it is feeling jealous and feeling guilty for feeling jealous. It is not knowing why things are the way they are, it is wondering what you have missed that other people did not. It is the unexplainable quiet funk that you could not get out of no matter how hard you try.

Blue is finding warmth in the unlikeliest places, it is discovering new emotions, new sides of people, and a new you. It is knowing you can share your pain with someone else. It is shared tears, shared complaints, shared hugs.

Blue is the feeling of failure, again and again and again. It is losing belief in yourself and doubting your own capabilities. It is gazing at your face in the mirror and hating it for its failures. It is the disbelief of another opportunity missed, the disappointment followed by irrational thoughts and denial. It is feeling that you may never catch up, that you will be left behind and never be good enough.

Blue is the pangs of longing for something more, something else, something other than this. It is the depression that no one can mend and nothing can cure, not even pats on the back or caresses or kisses. It is wanting to scream yet having no voice, it is the desperate cry for help that no one paid attention to.

Blue is the embodiment of your deepest, darkest thoughts - secrets and lies and misery.
It is momentary happiness and perpetual sadness. Blue is being human.

---

Yeah. Depressing stuff, huh. Wrote it on the night after the Funka auditions. Was feeling damn depressed and all gothic-like. But of course feelings change, people change, and I do feel other colours in my life other than blue now. Like for example, yellow for wanting to pee.

But anyway, a conversation with my mum brought up a rather painful fact.

Mum: So when's your next performance?
Me: ... I don't know if there'll be other performances from now on.

Oh, I didn't mean there won't be anymore Emix performances, because I'm sure there WILL be. I meant that I don't know if I'll ever get to perform anymore in prestigious events. My performance shelf-life is 2 more years. Face it, once I graduate from SMU, there won't be anymore chance to perform. And now, as it stands, I feel like my performing days have ended. Everything else pales in comparison to Funka, and I didn't even make it, damnit!

And I dreamt last night that I was kicked out of this ballet production in front of everybody else, and the choreographer said the reason was because I sucked. I woke up with tears in my eyes.

Dudes, maybe I should get back to studying, an infinitely more cheerful activity compared to this.

lesson #227: first day of book-swimming

And so it begins. My journey to geek-dom. Exams are looming and I have been forced to sit down and read and through the hours, develop a backache. But what am I talking about - I already am a geek obsessed with RPGs and Howl's Moving Castle (FYI just bought its sequel, Castle In The Air, which is not nearly half as nice). Lucky for me being a geek is all the rage now. Plastic specs, flimsy sweaters, half-dazed looks and flip-flops are everywhere.

Went to Holland V for a nice dinner at Crystal Jade with Zhi. Yang was supposed to be present but he had a headache and took a raincheck. Spent quite a long time talking about what are most probably the juiciest topics that ever'll take place in that restaurant... until our next visit. Haha. It was lovely catching up, babe! Hope you're enjoying Marcus's company.

Jing directed me to Engrish.com yesterday. Some of the more amusing stuff I found:


Let's chill here some time.


LOL

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

lesson #229: a fairweather couple?

During fair-weather:


Bad weather?

Things my boyfriend and I argue about:
1. Bidding for courses
2. Ideas for projects
3. Going for a holiday in December
4. Contents of my blog
5. My ex-boyfriend
6. The song Sunday Morning
7. Me clubbing with my friends
8. My friends
9. His friends
10. Asoc
11. Money

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

lesson #213: all i want for christmas is

A new bikini! A nice one from maybe Aztec Rose. Would like to find one that's not as sunny-side-up as my current two bikinis. Something more womanly and chic, with dark brown undertones and a classy non-teeny design. Am aiming to repolish my body shape by Christmas so that come 25 Dec I will be all toned and ready for a beachy Christmas. Start saving up, Gary! Would like to choose the pattern myself, though. Will try to look for one that's under $100.

Speaking of shopping, think I've done a final splurge for the year. Bought a brown gaucho pants with gold strips from Forever21, as well as a lacy top with translucent back also from Forever21. Shall not disclose the figure as it is quite huge and I have not recovered from the aftershock (though that didn't prevent me from wearing the clothes).

I'm still looking for a nice decent pair of dark-coloured heels because my favourite strappy URS pair has finally fallen apart. I need new clubbing shoes if I want to embrace my clubbing life properly in the coming term (and I HAVE planned a nice timetable with no Thursday 8.30 am slots). Also need to pay for my MAC stuff (argh! I totally forgot about it) and alter the length of my Mango jeans.

Money, money, money! It's giving me a headache. I still need to put more money into my driving account. Freak. Would have to negotiate something with parents. Starting next year my allowance will be reduced to zero dollar. But hopefully I can still ask for the occasional sum to pay for driving test and purchase of textbooks. Can't afford to pay for everything myself!

Anyway, today I experienced a temporary calm before the storm for maybe a few minutes. As I got home I realized that this was it - I have finished all of my projects except for AIS, and I'm not particularly worried about that. So for a few minutes I experienced zero stress. Then I was harshly reminded of the fact that exams are in less than two weeks' time and I haven't revised a shit and then I started hyperventilating and then I calmed down again because I realised there is nothing I can do except to stay calm and start revisions tomorrow.

But I really am not in the studying mood. Especially since I can feel my puh-riod coming. My boobs are spilling out of those B-cups and can feel a slight cramping. The only thing that's missing is the PMS, and I'm just glad it's at bay. Let's hope this month the cramps will stay far far away and not disturb me.

Enough about the boring stuff. It's time for some bitching.

***BITCH MODE NOW ON***

Had Corp presentation just now and some bitches tried to slam us down with their questions. And I mean really, they wouldn't STOP asking! It's because they did the same company as us (but obviously ours is better). Too bad for them we've got our answers prepared as we've previously discussed the matter with the Prof. I feel like walking up to them and saying 'HA!'. The look on their faces woulda been priceless. One girl has a puckered-up face so she looks like she's been sucking lemons all her life. Y'know how sometimes you just don't like a person because of how she looks? Dude, I totally hated her after that silly attempt at slamming.

Would like to apologize to Kunz though because she couldn't edge a word in as I was so eager in swallowing up the questions and spitting answers back at their faces. Tiff got her say but I kept on butting in before Kunz get to answer a thing. Sorry Kunz, just slap me next time I turn into an over-eager psycho.

In any case... Man! Don't you just LURRRVE it when you manage to get a mean bitch look stupid!

***BITCH MODE NOW OFF***

Note to boys out there who happen to be reading this and are thinking that girls are mean and cunning and backstabbing and gossipy. Well, the truth is, girls ARE mean and cunning and backstabbing and gossipy. But some girls are mean and cunning and backstabbing and gossipy and smart.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

lesson #232: late for class

Boarded the bus at 8.20 am this morning trying to catch an 8.30 class. So obviously I reached school at 9 am and decided to just join in after the break. So now I'm outside Pick&Bite writing a post while my classmates are experiencing ultimate boredom. Sweet!

There are so many creepy-crawlies around here. I saw a small spider whose 'mouth' or whatever you call it keep twitching. Had to slam the table to keep it from twitching too close to my laptop.

Hmmm. Who was it that's supposed to have greater inertia - a skinny person or a fat person? 'Cos I was an eye-witness of the inertia phenomenon just now on the bus. There was a rather (ok, VERY) oversized lady who was clutching onto the seat edge when the bus braked suddenly. She couldn't stop with the bus. She tripped forward and went bom! bom! bom!-ing and didn't stop until she smashed against the front railing of the bus (the place where you put your coins in). And it's a bit weird because she was quite a distance away from the railing, so her bom! bom! sequence went on for like a few seconds and the whole world (or the portion that was inside the bus anyway) was watching as she slowly, inevitably, came to a smashing halt. I think she must've been really embarrassed.

Anyway, on to less heavy things. And I meant heavy as in serious Physics stuff, not heavy as in... you know... outrageously overweight... but I guess you can say that as well...

Went for dinner with Syd and Jess at Holland V. The Thai Express there is tasty! With tasty phat thai and curry and squid. But the dessert is not so tasty, especially since we were so FULL by then.


The gorgeous duo - Syd and Jess. I looked like crap cos I came from dance. I LOVE this picture quality... Was it the Flower mode? I must must MUST get around to playing with my Exilim. Didn't know it can do this kind of nice shots.


With Gary having breakkie at Yakun. This was last week when the hell week felt less hell-ish than now.


Gary's take at an artistic shot. At Cafe Cartel having a fattening, fattening dinner. ARGH! Must. Do. Sit-ups.


MY take at an artistic shot. Haha.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

lesson #259: retail therapy works everytime

Have been so preoccupied with projects that I feel like I'm neglecting my social life. I'm not sure which project is worst, the only thing I know is I'm stuck with 3 projects and all three of them suck. Or maybe I just have a defeatist mentality. I seriously am not confident of scoring well this term. I can't wait to schedule a lunch meeting with Zhi, and have a chill-out session with Syd and Jess. It's time for me to feel human again.

And I really need to bug my friend about my MAC order, as it was made eons ago and til now, I've seen neither head nor tail of my beloved MAC stuff. The worst thing is I have to hold off buying my favourite shade of Biotherm lipstick even though it is now desperately running out, because I included a lipstick in my MAC order, and so if I replenish my stock of that Biotherm shade, I'd have two new lipsticks which are really more than enough. Gotta save money as I still need to find a high-shine non-sticky lipgloss.

After a gruelling project meeting just now (and I will have two more meetings tomorrow - on a Sunday Morning. This is the life, man. Frick it!) G and I went Plaza Singapura-ing. Bought Syd's satin pants for $8, a right bargain (bought the golden brown shade so no worries babe, we won't have TWO identical pants). Thinking of it, it's weird that Syd bought something that I bought first when shopping with her, and now I bought something that Syd bought when she shopped with me.

Also bought a racerback top (yes! Another 'un!) from Ebase for $17.60, after 20% discount. It's white-ish with bold green zebra stripes. It really looks nicer than it sounds. Also had the seal of approval from Mr G. Though I wouldn't trust Mr G's taste completely...

Have been taking quite a number of pictures recently. Will try to upload them soon and show the world narcissistic shots of my Beautiful Brows (self-plucked) (plucked by yours truly using a pair of tweezers) (a nice DIY plucking job) (I plucked them, y'all!).

On a completely separate note, have written a sad prose for some creative writing competition held by CCTE. Haven't sent it in yet, as I'm not overly enthusiastic about the prizes they are giving out. It's more a case of me writing it for fun (Vera's advice). Maybe I'll post it up here some time. It may be pretty shocking though. The kind of stuff that pregnant ladies, elderly people, and those with heart problems should not be seeing.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

lesson #240: I've got the sniffles

I have mastered the art of plucking my own eyebrows. The finish isn't quite as clean as professional trimming, but it's not bad. Can't stop staring at my eyebrows - playing with them now. Lifting the right one up and then the left. How fun!

Also found joy in taking the bus home during a public holiday. No competing for seats with the Singapore workforce, no frequent stops, and no traffic jam, which results in a comfortably breezy ride home. Ahh. Bliss. If only this was the case everyday. Driving schools will run out of business.

On the down side, today I was also plagued with bad luck.

1. I'm sneezing like mad. Soon people can swim in my nostrils, they are so watery. I'm grateful that the flu bug didn't get to me completely (fever not full-blown, sore throat didn't last), but it remains a pain in the ass. The best thing is, tomorrow I'll be auditioning for Funka while covered in snot. Excellent.

2. SMU has suddenly decided to lock me out of its network. I can't check my CAT midterm grade, I can't check my inbox (which will be overflown with spammers by now), I can't download a single course material. In short - fark. And this is really weird because yesterday night, I was checking my emails at home and my password worked fine, then suddenly this morning I was locked out of the WHOLE network because they wouldn't accept my password. This kind of thing only happens whenever you try entering a wrong password more than three times. But I haven't done anything to my password. So now I'm thinking of a list of suspects who could've tried accessing my SMU account. Looking for people with shifty eyes. Once I find the culprit I will make him (or her) shit in his pants by feeding him laxatives. Because you do NOT mess with me, especially when I'm covered in snot and irritated like HELL.

Or you know, maybe this is just one of CIT's fun little games. But I couldn't even beg them to help me because today is a public holiday and thus they are closed. I'll come barging in there first thing tomorrow. This is unacceptable. It is bloody 3 days away from the submission date of my Corp project. Fark.

3. Bought a bottle of mineral water from Kopitiam today. It smelled like decomposition. I thought it was just my watery nose playing with me but then I took a gulp and the water tastes like shit, not that I know what shit tastes like. But then I thought it was just my taste buds going wonky 'cos, you know, I'm all snot-filled and stuff. So then I asked Gary to taste it and he agreed that it tasted like shit. So guys, don't buy Kopitiam's bottled water. THEY SUCK. And if you drink them, you might get POISONED and DIE. I wouldn't know, I poured the water away before I could find out for myself.

4. It is now one day closer to Corp submission deadline and we're left with 1/5 of our project to be done. But that remaining 1/5 is the Mother Bitch. Which is why I have postponed looking at it until now, and I still didn't regret postponing because that thing... it is the Mother Bitch, y'all.