Tuesday, November 30, 2004

lesson #130: confessions of a worrywart

You'd think that after the exams there'd be nothing to worry about. It is after all a month of freedom that we're talking about here! How wrong can one get... I am suddenly faced with a whole lot of problems and annoyances to accompany me throughout this jolly holiday month. Nemesis Himself materialised in the form of skin problems. My face! Eet eez ruined. Zits are popping up in places they've never popped up before, such as my cheek. My cheek! My pores are more open-minded than I am. My skin is irritated, dry, and peeling off.


Reasons I have come up with to explain why all hells have broken loose (in my face):
1. Late nights. Vow to self to sleep latest by 11 pm, starting from today!
2. Stupid facial cleanser which did NOT work its magic. Supposed to be exfoliating, anti-aging defense formula'ed. Find a better product.
3. Long days spent outside (esp in school during exam period) without washing face properly. Excessive exposure to air-con. Must spend less time in school (that's easy enough).
4. Use of oil-control powder everyday. My theory is that the powder has sucked all the nutritious oils from my face and left it high and dry. Stupid evil powder. Must find a better product.
5. Too many chocolates.
6. Lack of orange juice and other forms of juices and nutritious, healthy food. Now working on this - have just finished one carton of orange juice.
7. Period. Will have to wait this out... stupid hormones! Really hoped it'll come late this month but noooooooh. It has to come right on the dot (pun intended).


So I'm supposed to be having a fun-filled stayover at Jing's house tomorrow, but now feeling too sluggish to pack. Don't really know where to start. The fact now is that I'm fat, pimply, ugly, and having my period. Booh. Not exactly the right time to feel attractive and all geared up to party. But hey, I'm sure that's why they invented alcohol. Besides, army boys will dance with anything in a skirt, and I'll be wearing my fluffy pleated skirt.


Will procrastinate on the packing a little bit more and just snuggle up in bed now. Am hugging the festive bear beanie N gave me a long time ago, when my face was nicer. It's festive because it's green with a fluffy red fur collar. Yes, I know. A green bear.

Monday, November 29, 2004

lesson #129: dazey duck

Went to get fat cells removed from my left eyelid this morning at a beautician's. Well, actually, it was the beautician's girlfriend's place. The beautician is called Joyce, or Joise (whatever it is, she pronounced it as Joise) and although she kept referring to the woman who owns the house as 'my girlfriend', I didn't dare ask if she meant 'my girl friend' or 'my girlfriend'.


In any case, it was a soothing experience because apart from removing fat cells, she gave me a facial - exfoliation, clogged pores cleansing, mask, massage, the whole package. The total came up to $60. At the end I walked out rather dazed. Later on in the day I scrutinized my face and wasn't very pleased to note that, despite the feel of my skin being super smooth and soft, an amount of tiny bumps have surfaced as a result of her clogged pore 'cleansing'. I hope they'll go down soon. I hope she knows what she's doing. I'm rather reluctant to go back to her girlfriend's (girl friend's?) place and kick up a fuss.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

lesson #143: my daddy's listening to the opera

While penning this entry, my ears prickled from the sound of an overweight Italian guy singing in a foreign language (probably Italian). I hope my dad turns the volume of his beloved opera down soon. He got a bonus a while ago and was excited to spend it on a Bose. And now I suffer.


OK. Now I've plugged my earpiece on and am listening to Nelly. SO hyped up for later tonight! I'm like a little boy who's gone hungry for months, who was suddenly offered a fresh loaf of bread piping hot from the oven. It was just slightly out of his reach... With every step he took, he came closer and closer to that wholesome yumminess and then... SNAP! GOBBLE! In short, I can't wait to club again.


Man - I'm tired of poppin' these bottles, tired of fuckin' these models
I'm tired of these menage nights (yeah right)
I was built for it, I got a hip for it
I even got a little swagger in my limp for it
I done had, sex in the city plus sex in the country
You know - sex in the zoo directly behind the monkeys
Hold up! Don't get me wrong, I'm lookin for Ms. Right
But tonight ain't the time, I'm lookin for right now

Friday, November 26, 2004

lesson #126: baubles & bundchen

Isn't she pretty?



I want this hair! It's so bombshell!


Don't know if it's the Christmas-tree decorating or if it's just me turning sappy, but I suddenly feel... magical. Like, really looking forward to Christmas, to being jolly, and all that stuff. Am even excited to go to church on Christmas Eve! (Should have no problems finding parties to go to afterwards right?)


My Christmas tree is lookin' good. In fact, if it were human, it'll be one hot babe. A vision in pink and white. I hereby christen it... The Fuschia Snow. Or The Pink Winter. The Bubblegum Crystal? The Glammy Whammy?


Anyway, shall take a picture of it (it's only half-done now, have to remind self to buy more baubles) very very soon. So proud of my creation. The only gross thing about it is the golden star which my brother insisted to be put at the top. Like, hello? TOTALLY wrecked the colour combi? Chuhh.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

lesson #132: i'll hug myself and stare at the ceiling

Oh vee ee arr. Over, my exams are. Somehow, instead of jumping up and down with glee, I'm feelin'... nothing much. I'm not sure if the endorphins (or whatever hormones are associated with happiness) are taking their time to kick in or something, but I just feel empty.


The days stretching ahead are blanks yet to be filled. I have no idea what I'm gonna do for the next month. Boredom is already setting in. And a little bit of sadness, don't know where THAT came from.


I find that whatever choice I make, it will never satisfy me for long. There will never be a perfect arrangement... To get something good I'm gonna have to give up something else. It's tearing me up inside, this limbo. Only one person knows exactly what I'm going through. I appreciate that person for not going all judgemental on me. I hate being judged. I hate being patronised, although that doesn't happen a lot nowadays. Hopefully 'cos I'm scarier now. Rawrrr.


To the people I talk to everyday, to the people I talk to once in a while, to the people who read this blog, I just wanna say I appreciate you and I love you. BIG HUG!


Emotional stuff aside, let's get down to business. I WENT SHOPPING TODAY. Woohoooo! Spent $83 at Forever 21 (yes, again)! Bought a pair of pink pants and a white tee. I think they should close down that evil shop soon. Because I'm spending all my money on their stuff! I am totally addicted! Plus the inventory turnover there is pretty high. If you see a cute top one day and you neglect to buy it the very same day, when you come back (say, a week later) IT WILL ALREADY BE GONE. Yes, this is proven and tested. So beware. You have been warned. Try to avoid Forever 21. But if you do go inside, BUY EVERYTHING IN SIGHT THAT ATTRACTS YOUR ATTENTION. Or you will regret it forever. And ever. And ever. And 21.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

lesson #71: incredible

The Incredibles is a really great show! Watched it with N, Jing and Ben, with Sushi Tei as a prelude. I'm not a big fan of animated movies, but this one really bowled me over. Maybe it's because I came into the theatre NOT expecting to be bowled over, that when it DID bowl me over, I got superbly bowled over. It's not just a funny clean-jokes HA-HA family razmatazz. The suspense at times got to you and the action sequences are really fast-paced. I really recommend watching this movie. The baby of the family is so cute, with one tuft of hair on his round little head... AWWW! When he eventually showed his superpower, it was quite amusing too.


Anyway, I don't know HOW it happened, but suddenly it's already the end of Saturday. Which means I only have two days left to study. What have I been doing all week? Doesn't feel like I've taken anything in at all. I haven't even started on Stats. The scariest thing is that I'm not really worried... when I should be worried. Huh. I SO cannot wait for the exam week to end. After which I'll proceed to do nothing. I'm not even gonna think. And I'm not gonna think about not thinking. Embrace the inner bimbo for one whole month. The biggest worry of my life would be deciding what shade my hair should be in. Burgundy, chestnut, ash? Aahhh... like, totally.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

lesson #44: welcome to the land of the 46 kg-ed

46.2 kg, with 18% fat percentage? It's official. I am fat. I am a fat woman. I am a woman who is fat. Fat. FAT.


All right, maybe I'm dramatizing it a little, but it's still a sad, slap-in-the-face wake-up call. I haven't been exercising properly ever since I stopped going to Amore. I think for the coming month of December, I'll renew my Power Package with them and attend all the kickboxing classes once again. And of course, Hip Hop Open too! I miss the hilarious dance instructor. Might even go for Jazz and see Sheila outside Eurhythmix... (Jing - interested? One month of non-stop workout. Just in time for showing off at Christmas parties!)


I should really pick up running too. I have a gym just two floors down and I don't use it? Such a waste of maintenance fees. But then, running is oh-so-BORING. 5 minutes on the treadmill and already utter boredom struck. I've got to get rid of the flab though. Must steel self. Must steel self. Must steel self!


On to happier stuff... N has free tickets for The Incredibles! So we're watching it with Jing and Ben. So exciting!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

lesson #16: the mad hatter at the tea party

I'm mad about my hat. My peach newsboy cap. I love it I love it I love it. It's forever inside my bag. I bring it everywhere. From now on, just call me The Girl In The Peach Newsboy Cap. Some say it's the Paris Hilton style when I wore it with the black pleated skirt. Some say I look like something out of a Japanese cartoon. But I don't care - I love my hat and it loves me back. I just know it. It exudes warmth. Tender, loving warmth.


Sometimes, it feels like without my hat, I will go insane. Or maybe it's just because of FA. FA FA FA. Eff aay. Eff you see kay you, eff aay. The past few days have been a hectic blur of last minute changes. Hopefully, in the end, we will get an A+ in return of all the hardwork. Of all the stress this particular project has induced. I have been really irritable and showing it to my group mates. I genuinely am ashamed of myself for being so short-tempered and snappy. Hopefully I'll improve on this aspect next term. New classes, new groups, new projects. I simply cannot wait til next term starts! I know this sounds crazy but I cannot wait to get new books and open them up and just... absorb. Absorb everything like a sponge.


Remember that stupid Finance course I bidded for? I got it. I got the stupid course and I'm actually excited about it! Argh. I'll miss going for dance early, though. Damn it, I don't care. I'm gonna go to Finance class all dressed up in da full hiphop outfit, yo. Hopefully certain kindly bus drivers will be around to provide faster, more efficient means of transportation.


YTRAP LOOP - read it backward baby.

Friday, November 12, 2004

lesson #21: statement of cash flows (operations)

Purple tube top from Ebase, with 30% discount - $7.70
White knitted tube top from Ebase, with 30% discount - $20.30
Forever 21 pink shades - $11.00
Peach newspaper boy cap from Forever 21 - $23.00
Forever 21 black pleated skirt - $48.00
URS dark brown slippers with glitters - $29.90
White tube top with pink flowers and sequins, Forever 21 - $28.00
Black long-sleeved net top, Forever 21 - $48.00
Orange and white tweed skirt, Forever 21 - $43.00
Pink bead bracelet, Forever 21 - $5.00
Miscellaneous expenses - $15.00


Total spending: $239.90


An extremely productive shopping trip to Orchard. Bought 10 items in just a short span of 3 hours! I believe I have just broken a personal record. Anyway, I know I should have spent less, but somehow it doesn't really feel like much. Shopping was a breath of fresh air. Felt the rush and eagerness to be surrounded by pretty & new stuff. I love everything I bought today!!!


My gleeful mood was ruined for a while, when Gary called to ask me to bid for a different Finance slot. I found out that all the people I know whom are bidding are bidding for the 3.30-6.45 slot instead of 12.00-3.15. Yixin even changed her bid without telling me! Boooh. After much agonizing I finally agreed to switch my bid. Don't know why this little incident upsets me so much. I guess it's because I was having fun and then they had to spoil it by making me think and compromise. And also because if I do get the course, I won't be able to go to dance early. Dance officially starts at 7 but sometimes we go earlier to practice and catch up with each other. I guess it kinda indicates my priority - dance first and Finance second.


But anyway, who cares about some stupid course (which I sadly have to take sooner or later because it is compulsory)? I shall bask in all my shopping glory. The carrier bag from Ebase is made of canvas, so I can use it for school! Yay! It's like a bonus item... And I'm totally loving my groovy pink shades. So retro and cute! Oooh... shall do my nails now.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

lesson #40: uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, oh no no

Gossips! Scandals! Rumors! Do you pass judgements about people without knowing who they really are? Do you make conclusions based on scraps and glimpses of what you saw one night? An eclipsed view, caught up with prejudice?


"Be careful with Monica. I saw her dancing very intimately with a guy on podium at GeekOut. I'm disappointed in her. How could she dance like that? Some more she has a boyfriend..."


"O-ho-ho. Who else but Monica, right?"


Fuck you and your snide comments, you bitch. The guy I was dancing very inappropriately with was N, my BOYFRIEND. So go stick your flat nose somewhere else. I'm waiting for the moment when you'll become brave enough to say things to my face instead of sneaking around like a dirty sewage rat. And when you've gathered enough courage to do that, I'm gonna bitchslap your unproportionate head round.


Get real. Don't fucking underestimate me. You are nothing. To think I was trying to overlook the fact that you talked behind my back and still be nice to you. But you have pushed the limit. So the first thing I'm gonna comment on is your nice white eyeshadow, and how it does wonders to your complexion. It makes you look like you're undead.


Grrr. I am so angry right now. Will probably delete this entry once I feel nicer. But right now, I just feel like stuffing her big mouth back with all the crap that she'd spewed forth.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

lesson #95: crawling beneath the surface

Do you love me?
Or am I just another trip. In this strange relationship
You push and pull me AGAIN
Till I'm about to lose my mind
Is this just a WASTE OF TIME?


Keep acting like you own me
I keep running, watch me WALKING OUT THAT DOOR
I hear you behind me


Thirst. So thirsty for dance... At school at 9.30 pm and my whole body is itching. My need to move is like a volcano at the brim of eruption. My skin is crawling with the addiction. Slowly from the inside I am cracking.


Listening to R&B songs doesn't help at all. Can't believe I was just at the studio two days ago. It already feels like eternity!


Break free of these MIND GAMES
All I'm tryin' to do is modify my plan
Cause I can't CONTAIN YOU


Gimme that strange relationship
Never felt PLEASURE and PAIN like this
Something so right but it feels so terribly wrong


OK. Think I'm like, SOOOO insane right now.

lesson #74: charlie's angel / ms shaggadelic

Bonded with mum over a box of Godiva chocolates. We tried to match the picture of each chocolate and the description with what's actually inside the nice golden box. Found some unknown entities inside the box which had no description. The lemon ganache was SPLENDID. I can't believe I just said splendid, but it is. Splendid. Splendidooooo.


Had LTB presentation which was spy-themed on Monday. It was so fun! Laughed so much during the last-minute rehearsals that we had. My LTB group, Synergy, is the best! I also love my spy / Charlie's angel costume (wore the glossy pink mphosis top, black pants, black shoes from Dance Night plus the black scarf, not forgetting shades)! I'm addicted to all stuff James Bond-ish now. Wanna get nice new shades...


Speaking of Charlie's angels, two of the angels may be seen Mambo-ing tomorrow. Jing is going for sure, but I'm still sitting on the fence. I may or may not go. But gauging from the fact that I'm already thinking about what outfit to wear, I may just go. Or not. Such an in-your-face evidence of my indecisiveness! (Applies to choosing the Godiva choc's too - spent ages staring at them before I could pick one design to eat.)


I think, if I were to go, I'd wear my brown halter. Or maybe my candy-stripes tube top. Green super low-cut halter? Red Mango toga? Shouldn't go really, I've got to start studying for the coming exams. But I might just go. Or not.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

lesson #82: closing time

Closing time, open all the doors
And let you out into the world
Closing time, turn all of the lights on
Over every boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol
So finish your whisky or beer
Closing time, you don't have to go home
But you can't stay here


I know who I want to take me home,
I know who I want to take me home,
I know who I want to take me home,
Take me home


If you want to listen to this song, Closing Time by Semisonic, all you have to do is be at SMU Library at 9 pm. I've been hearing its catchy tune for a couple of days this week. Imagine you're rushing your work and somebody suddenly starts whining about how it's closing time.


FA quiz is over. Feel strangely relieved. Was even feeling pretty happy just now during LTB meeting, although it was extremely unproductive. But we had lots of hysterical, stressed-out fun acting out spies.


I'm pretty excited about next term's timetable. Bidded for basic Jap, but not sure that I'd get it. Nevertheless, I'm happy to be having the same timetable as some of my friends! Too bad Zhi's is totally different *boooh!* - let's bid for the same courses next-next-term, babe! When I first saw my timetable, I wasn't very pleased that I'd be sharing classes with most of my current Stats classmates. They're like, pretty boring. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I don't know... I'm just not interested in getting to know most of them better, after just taking one look at them. Am I totally judging the book by its cover or what! Shame on me... But anyway, now I'm looking forward to it! I've gotten closer to some and can't wait to go to fresh new classes together with them!


Closing time, every new beginning
Comes from some other beginning's end


Of course, I can't wait for you to take me home.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

lesson #102: the surrealistic art of living

This week has been super hectic! Comms presentation preparation was hell on earth. But at least it's over now. That's one hurdle passed and FIVE more to go! (FA quiz, LTB learning journal, LTB final presentation, FA project, final exams...)


I just can't wait until all of these stupid things are over. I've been showing my super worst self at school, especially to my project group mates. When you are so darn sick and tired of everything, you just stop caring. Been acting the extremely impatient bitch for days. I'm glad for the presence of those who stood behind and came to be my pillars of strength. Here is a hug from a stressed but happy girl especially sent to Jing, who's also stressing out like mad in NUS Archi. I wish you all the best in stealing your mum's car at midnight and returning it with discretion! Hehe.


Can't wait for the holidays. There are some things I'm really looking forward to. Can't wait to sit down with a good book, with loving arms around me. Can't wait to go to Orchard once again and feel alive, sniffing the fragrance of new stuff. Can't wait to chill out at Starbucks, sipping Frappuccino Rhumba and gossiping before partying the night away. Can't wait to have the house all for myself when my parents fly back to Jakarta. Can't wait to sleep soundly. Can't wait to listen to new CDs. Can't wait to spend Christmas with you.


Can't wait to be free!


My Christmas holiday resolution: to do nothing.