Monday, October 31, 2005

lesson #231: mind wanderer

Blogging during Corp seminar, with the aroma of Kunali's hot milo hovering below my nose. Sniff sniff. My head feels heavy with pressure. My body feels weak physically but I'm trying to hold on. Not paying a single ounce of attention to Prof Orpurt, when he cracks his jokes I simply laugh along with the rest of the class. Mastering the art of Looking Alert And Pretending To Take Notes When Actually Typing A Blog Entry.

Talking to my friend Hide about the CITA musketeers. Some people may say we are bitching, but I call it stating the facts at they are. Call an apple an apple. Call an ugly person ugly. You know how some people are pretty outside but ugly inside, and some others are ugly outside but pretty inside? Ever heard of ugly outside and even uglier inside? Enter the CITA musketeers.

I'm paying for my bitching sins with this splitting headache of mine. Aches terribly near the nape area. I hope I will recover soon, so that not only can I bitch some more, I'll be able to make it to Funkamania auditions on Wednesday.

Later on, at home, I shall have to type out the Quality of FS for Corp (I'm talking in a rare ancient language called Accounting, so pardon the geeky aura). But for now, I wish for my brain to dissolve and for me to drift off to land called Faking An Intelligent Eye Contact With Prof When Actually Am Daydreaming.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

lesson #246: i can't wait to do nothing

December should be a blissful month. No more quizzes, homework, assignments, exams... Most importantly, no more crap projects to deal with. This term I'm really spent on projects. I just find that most of them lack direction. The worst project ever is AIS (no need to ask what that stands for, it sounds even more boring in its complete lengthy form). The requirement is basically to just present an issue related to AIS... Right. WHAT THE ****?? Most of the project meeting times are wasted in speculation as to what the Prof would really like us to do, because we want to score. Like dude. AIS project wins The Vaguest Project Topic award hands down.

And today, on a Sunday, I will be going down to school to do Corp project. Bleurgh. I seriously don't think that 3 people are enough to do this project. There are just too many aspects to it. And we are supposed to model our report as an analyst report. Thing is the project requirement states that we have to hand in 10 pages of crap not including appendices and exhibits (which I presume is where the graphs are going), while the standard analyst report is 3 pages long with another 7 pages of graphs. How do we extend those 3 pages to 10 pages??

OK. Shall stop complaining about work now. As Zhi has pointed out in her tag, this blog has been abandoned for quite some time. Reason being I have just gone through a Hell Week in which I went through a lot of Hell. Had spent time for dance, Company Law presentation / report, and Asoc Day, plus an additional assignment here and there. But it was all worth it.

Major rumble #1: Company Law presentation
This was a complete and utter success. Quote from Prof - "Very well done!". Just my luck to be matched with competent group mates.

Major rumble #2: Asoc Day on Friday
The event started slow but picked up its pace around dinner time (which was expected). Am glad that it's over, also glad that it was a success. Afterwards went to Timbre to chill, which was just next to the City Campus and therefore quite a turn-off due to its proximity. You don't feel like you've left school at all, and besides you see the same people again. And some of the waiters are CRAP. One particular guy forgot orders, forgot that Josiah & Co have settled their bills, and... I just don't like him. But! The company was great. We stayed till the end, listening to the band and not realising it was close to 2 am.

And now it's back to work and no fun. Sigh... How I yearn for a relaxed and brainless time spent shopping, pampering self, and enjoying the company of my friends.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

lesson #241: love, love, love

You should read Ms VVVV's blog. In particular, read the entry on her being in love (no, not the one with the bag, scroll down a little bit more). Sometimes what she writes in her blog really hits me. The sincerity of it. Genuine and sweet and real. I can feel your emotions through that post, babe.

Everyone deserves to fall in love like that.

So yes, I am a tinge jealous. And sad. Can't remember the last time I feel like nothing matters as long as I have my boy around. It's so easy to be jaded.

When was the last time I wrote something happy in here? Probably a damn long time ago. Hopefully soon. Because even I've gotten tired of my own melancholy. So today is my last hooray at being sad:

We try and try and try again, but everything falls apart so easily. We are fighting against a mathematical equation to find the point where trying doesn't yield a thing. Ask me again why I'm hanging on to a slippery wall when I can just release my grip and land with grace, with ease, with the help of people I care about. What do I hope to find up there once I've conquered the wall? Will there be everything or will there be nothing. The fall hurts more when you're higher up.

Blame Newton and gravity.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

lesson #260: my cup has never been this full

That's not referring to any sort of breast measurement. I'm still a B (yeah, yeah, B for Barely There, ha-ha-ha). Rather it's referring to the metaphorical cup of life. Excuse me if I sound too zen or embrace-the-inner-balance-ish, you just can't help sounding like that after embracing the inner balance of Corp, Audit, and ComLaw all at one go.

Don't even know why I'm blogging instead of doing any of the following (burgeoning to-do list for today):
1. Make notes for tomorrow's Corp Quiz
2. Do Audit Assignment
3. Write ComLaw report
4. Collate ComLaw report

And I've just checked my e-mail and some girl is going to see me for MA consultation tomorrow, which means I can't do last-minute revision for Corp! I just won't do well without my last-minute revision. It's the psychological aspect attached to it. Last-minute revision has become a habit. Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

It's times like these when I wish for a provider of comfort - a man to call my own who will envelop me in his everlasting hug and tell me that in the end, everything is gonna be okay. Because he'll be here, and I'll be here, and as long as we stay together nothing can make us not okay.

Whoops. I already have one of those, I think. Then why am I still longing for one? Is it because the present one isn't very effective? Hmmmm. I guess I'm just an insatiable, greedy little bitch.

You play your mind games
And I play along
Because I want to cheer your disheartened heart
And speak your language

But I've realised recently, only recently
That you don't care about me in my own special way.

You don't do unto me what I do for you
And you blame me for not keeping up
When I'm exhausted of your politics
And your desert dry of love

Part of a poem Jun wrote in her blog. It feels appropriate. Often times we all go through different kinds of shit, but what we usually don't realise is that the feelings we feel are the same. And if we've only realised that, maybe none of us will feel so alone. Situations may be hard to understand, but feelings are simple and repetitive - they echo throughout the world in the heart of every broken little girl.

Friday, October 21, 2005

lesson #254: ladies, gentlemen, time to party

Phuture @ Zouk
Fri 28 Oct 2005
Admission: $12 F/M before 10pm, $20 F / $25 M after 10pm
11-12am Midnight Madness

Welcome back hardcore partying days!

(October resolution: next term I shall not bid for any Thursday morning classes)

Thursday, October 20, 2005

feeling really really sad and alone.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

lesson #228: my laptop is back from the dead

IBM Service Centre is unbelievably efficient. They make CIT Helpdesk look really REALLY bad. Basically I sent my laptop for servicing to IBM at Changi yesterday. The lady who assisted me said that average servicing period is three to five working days. But I made a special request to get it fixed as soon as possible, because I need my laptop B-A-D-L-Y for Company Law presentation (among other things). She told me she will put an urgent note for me. How nice! And I wasn't even paying a single cent, because it's all covered under the warranty. This is what I call top-notch customer service!

So anyway, I got a call from IBM today and the person said my laptop is ready for collection! It was serviced in just one day! Excellent! I love IBM now. They basically diagnosed it, serviced it, and cleaned it for me (and boy did my baby need some cleaning) within 24 hours. Excellent!

Also bought a pink Puma bag recently from their Motosport collection. It's great! All pink and cushiony. Have also started using my Nano. It's great! I love the sound quality.

And I got back my Audit midterm test. Can't remember if I have actually written here about how crap I felt after taking the test. I think I did. Well anyway, I really did NOT feel confident about that test. I just felt really stupid after discussing the questions with some of my friends. Really, I'm not being one of those smart people who whine to their friends about how crappy they felt when actually, deep inside, they know they will get full marks.

But well, I got the results back and... it was not bad. Pleasantly surprised. Glad that I made it through, in any case.

On that academic token, finished my Company Law readings early for the first time today. And felt it was quite manageable and not as confusing as I had expected it to be. This accomplishment left me feeling at ease.

So yeah, today, a couple of good things did come my way. Certainly needed a good day after my series of very-bad-days.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

lesson #223: it's really fun to be a model

Helped out in Marketing photoshoot today. It was so fun dressing up the models, doing their make-up, telling them what to do! I'm also glad to see very nice pictures taken. Gah. Let me be a model next time! I want to look pretty, act and pose too! Haha.

Went to watch Deuce Bigalow afterwards. The show was OK. The slapstick jokes can be a bit gross sometimes, it's more inclined towards pleasing guys, I suppose. After a while you get kinda tired of hearing penis jokes. But overall it was OK.

I have my eyes on a bag. I want it. I have to have it! I want to walk around in school with it. I need it! My heart's beating faster just thinking about it. Ahhh... first love. When everything's still new and thrilling and innocent and full of promises. You always feel that way about new bags. But then the bags get old and dirty and you throw them aside to make way for new ones. Kinda like boyfriends huh?

Worry's starting to creep in - the midterm break is half gone and I have yet to start on any schoolwork. Haven't even started on my AIS (zzz) homework, which is due in two days. Haven't looked at CK Tang's annual report for Corporate Reporting (zzz) project. I really am getting lazy this semester. The worst thing is I'm not even worried, while I should be worried.

Monday, October 10, 2005

lesson #180: this is the most important lesson in life.

To quote Rachel McAdams in Red Eye, "never again".

No, I'm not okay. I do not feel great.

I've really been through all of the stages.

1. Complete and utter heartbreak - at the very moment that it happened.

2. Denial - later on when I tried to make it all okay, when I tried to forget it ever happened. When I accepted him back even as he acted as though nothing was wrong. When I defended him in front of my friends. Classic syndrome suffered by a wife who's just been cheated on by the husband but still tries to save the marriage. I always thought that was dumb. And pathetic. But now I understand... You just want to fix things back to the way they were supposed to be. Typical thoughts during this stage, "But I am supposed to be happy! You are supposed to make me happy, this is NOT happening..."

3. Superficial happiness - comes right after denial. You feel happy, you take pictures... Until you realise that you're faking every single smile in the photos. No, I don't think I was happy at all. When people asked me if I was okay, I'd say yes because that's the simpler answer. And there will be moments when I'll feel pangs of affection for him, but then the feeling got weird, like it's rather twisted or distorted by some other thing. And then I realised the affection was mixed with disgust, and no matter how hard I tried to feel all happy and romantic and okay, I couldn't.

4. Disgust - the feeling has been there all along but only really surfaces after overcoming denial. I don't know how I could ever see his face again, especially since he never did think anything was wrong with his actions. Until I finally made him see the light after asking him what he'd think if my situation had happened to his close female friend. He doesn't really listen to my other words at all, it takes him imagining his close female friend to make him understand.

5. Loathing - I can imagine myself telling him how much I hate him. I hate him with all my being. If he were to lose an arm or a leg in front of me, I'd probably just stand and watch.

6. Anger - He has no right. He has no right to take everything away from me. He already made me feel like shit for days now. I feel like an empty shell nowadays with no life nor the energy to do any of my work. I couldn't give anything much thought. And he did this to me. It could all have been perfect and I could've had my happy ending, but I didn't because of him.

Give me back my happiness you son of a gun.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

lesson #201: blessed with the sweetest friends on earth

Wanna thank everyone in the compiled video - it was the most awesome birthday wish I've ever received. P.S.: I'm not rich! I guess I'm just good at seeming to be rich? Haha. But I'm not really. Go and check my daddy's bank account!

The 10 babes - that MAC makeup pouch will forever replace the freebie Green Tea one I've been using. Haha. But eh... might also use it as an evening bag 'cos it's so lovely. Syd and Fen, thanks for rifling through the MAC stock! And the MAC postcards rawked!

The gaming buddies - thank you thank you thank you! Especially to Zhi babe... My cheeks shall never go without the Shu Uemura blush.

Jing - for the prettiest piece of lingerie ever, thank you! (And thank Mike for being brave enough to dangle it about in the video, haha!)

Yan Fang - the earrings are so pretty! And I was just thinking of getting new ones... It's perfect! Glad that you came babe, and thanks!

Mag & Benson - thanks sweets for dropping by, and I'm sorry about the cover charge bit! Errh. Hope you two had a fun night anyway!

Marcus - thanks for the lift back!

Bryan - thanks for the drink!

Yang - your words made me felt a ton better. Thank you!

The girls who stayed outside, and those who talked to me - you know who you are, thank you.

Momo's bouncer with the gross 'muscles' - thanks for letting me know how anal Club Momo can be *sticks tongue out*. FYI, this grossly muscled bouncer told me to join the re-entry queue when I wanted to go back into the club. I saw where he pointed and there was... nobody there. He could've just checked my stamp from where I was standing but nooooo, I had to make a 360 degrees turn just to end up where I was standing before he reprimanded me. I love Momo bouncers. They are just so efficient and smart.

Syd, Jess, Kunz, Fen, Celine, Yan Fang, Carrie, Anna, Jun & Mich -- let's have a second round! Didn't really dance much this time around so will have to make up for it. Say... end of year party??

Shawnie Poo - thanks for the Vodka! Will have a drinking party soon!

Gary - thanks for making my birthday 'special', in many ways. From the lovely, lovely video to the lovely, lovely, extremely unexpected iPod Nano to the not-so-lovely end of the night. I'm glad for this chance to grow, to know more about who I am and also about who you are. Things will never be the same again between us, but change is good. Though what you did was uncalled for. And your dumb ego and pride got in the way once again. Bitch, go and die. Eh, sorry where was I? Oh yeah. So I hope we both learned something out of this*.
*If you try something funny in the future I will not hesitate to ask my dad to call his middle-aged Indo mafia connections to come after you.

To all - hey, I don't want any of last night's negative ambience to linger with you. Let's just forget it and move on. Ay?

So now let's bring in the pictures!


The presents deserve to be SEEN!


Me and Zhi before Momo (aka The Anal Club).


Perfecting the IT-girl look: bored but pretty. I just looked like a toad. Zhi has a really poetic face!


Birthday celebration with my family! That's my little brother, who's not-so-little anymore. And my dad trying to get a picture! Notice the cake? My skirt totally matches it. Haha... It vas all part of my evil plan.


It's my birthday, so I'm allowed to act cute.


If you mess with me...


...this is what happens. (Note: he's just faking, I didn't really make him cry.)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

lesson #243b: shopping saga continued

So Audit midterm today was crap. The most unconfident I have ever felt after a test. I guess I have to kinda make myself 'love' the subject more so that I can pay attention more to it and score well in the final paper. Anyway.

Shopped with Zhi right after the test. We went to Taka, then to Far East, then to Forever 21, then back to Taka to get me a skirt from Zara but it was already out of stock (vat! Within a couple of hours??) so I had to get a reservation from the outlet at Liat Towers. We met up with Marcus, who cheered Zhi up tremendously (she was feeling rather sick) and ended up dressing him up at the Liat Towers Zara. From there went back to Far East to get my top and then we finally parted ways.

Journal entries for purchases (felt like being an accounting nerd):
DR Cash/cash equivalents -- $ 89.90
CR Fixed assets (brown boho knee-length skirt from Zara with ruffles) -- $89.90
DR Cash/cash equivalents -- $ 24.21
CR Fixed assets (black off-shoulder top) -- $24.21
DR Cash/cash equivalents -- $ 21.??
CR Fixed assets (lime green boho slippers from URS) -- $21.??
DR Cash/cash equivalents -- $33.00
CR Fixed assets (Forever21 black flare layered skirt) -- $33.00

That's it. No more spending money for me 'til the end of this year! No Christmas Eve Shopping. No Last-Minute-On-Christmas-Day-Itself Shopping. No Boxing Day Shopping. No 31st December 2005 Shopping. No clubbing, no pubbing, no wining, no dining out. It's baked beans and recycled clothes for me from now on.

I do need black clubbing shoes though.

lesson #243: let's put the hop in shopping!

'Tis has been too long. Too long indeed!

Buys (from the Biotherm counter inside SMU!):
1 Biotherm facial wash - $42
1 Biotherm mask - $40

Got the membership, a $10 discount, and some free gifts (lip gloss, moisturizer, Ralph Lauren handphone pouch, etc etc). I know I splurged given that the most expensive facial wash I've ever used so far is *drumrolls please* Garnier, but I thought it's about time I upgraded to a posher brand! Will target La Mer next (but that will have to wait a few more years 'til I start roping in my filthy riches). Someday I will use La Mer, spray my bedsheets with L'Occitane, and walk everywhere in a Vera Wang wedding gown. Okay, maybe the last one is a bit weird. A little influenced by Corpse Bride. Which is a very endearing movie! I lurrrve the old skeleton. He is how funny! A little spoiler: The phrase "Some people are dying to *something something*" has never sounded so funny.

Audit midterm tomorrow but feels like it's already over. The weirdest thing is, until now I still don't feel excited about the birthday. G asked me today, "It's four days to your birthday! Do you feel excited now??" And I was like, "Eh? Huh? What. Ah no."

Anyway, thanks to Syd for the banner/advert/poster! THANK YOU DARLIIING!!! And apologies for the late update regarding the free entries. Supposed to be free cover for all before 10 pm, and happy hour is before 10 pm as well. Gah. And I must remind myself to contact the Momo people (haha, now that sounds funny). See if I can get my guests some privileges. I know it's probably not in their policy but no harm asking. Now if I can only remind myself!