Wednesday, March 30, 2005

lesson #140: fighting temptations

It's funny how temptation works. This morning, I was mentally choosing my method of transport to school. On the one hand, we have the luxurious cab. On the other, the more economical SMRT bus. I was determined to cut costs and not be lazy (if I don't take a cab, I'll have to walk up the slope to the campus area, hence the source of laziness). So I decided to take the bus. As I waited patiently at the bus stop, Fate or whoever it is played a mean trick on me. I saw a total of 4 unoccupied yellow cabs zipping by. They were followed by a light blue cab, a deep blue Comfort cab, and an ugly-white SMRT cab, all equally empty. To further tempt me, all the buses which came to the stop are not the buses which go to my school. After waiting for around fifteen minutes, I decided that if I saw another empty cab, I'll just flag it over. But alas, the next few cabs which passed by already boasted passengers.


That's just cruel.


No worries, though. There's a happy ending for everybody, because the bus came to my rescue... eventually.


A picture of happier car-filled days:

Monday, March 28, 2005

lesson #137: ???

Can't stand him.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

lesson #142: mod madness

Crazy about mod earrings now. Have bought three pairs within 2 days. But they're really cheap, averaging $4 each, so that's all right. I have huge dangly purple ones in oval shape, plus button earrings in pink polkadot, as well as dark pink hoops. Eh... how come they're all in shades of pink. Ah well. Will venture into lime green, yellow, as well as black and white next time! So fun! This new-found hobby's cheap as well... La la la. Can just go into any teenie accessories shop and buy in bulk. Button earrings surprisingly suit me well, so I'll be getting loads of buttons in the future! I can even make them myself! But I most probably won't. Out of pure laziness. Anyone wanna make button earrings together with me? There's motivation in numbers!


Went to Claire's [Desmond's (G's friend) cousin] birthday party yesterday. She's just turned 21. So G and I went shopping in town for her present yesterday. we got her a pair of super comfy heels from URS, but unfortunately they were the wrong size (we bought my size, 'cos we estimated her to be my size. Turns out she's 2 sizes larger. I am very tempted now to keep the present for myself, since they're my size and all. BUT. I shall not). Will have to go down again to exchange. The present boo-boo aside, the party was quite fun, I guess. As much fun as could be had with lots of little kids and extended families and different groups of friends. It's sweet how they all got together to celebrate. Personal highlight of the day would be when the Sheridane was unearthed. It's got to be the coolest drink ever. The bottle's so cute too. Basically tasted like Kahlua. Like Irish coffee. We played Drinking Goggles with it. The dance babes would remember this ridiculous yet fun game from our gathering last year.


The only thing that irked me was when birthday girl Claire intro'ed me to her mum as "G's girlfriend" before saying my name. It's as if I'm not my own person. It sort of stripped me of my independence. I don't wanna be known as just somebody's girlfriend. So yeah, that was kinda a not nice thing for me to hear. I know she doesn't mean anything by it, but it feels to me like I'm only being acknowledged as G's girlfriend, and I hate that.

Friday, March 25, 2005

lesson #139: atti-what?

The Blower's Daughter. I hate that song. I mean sure, I can see why people'll like it. It's all poignant and sad and stuff. And sure, sometimes I'd hear the song playing in my head, bits and pieces of it, especially when Damien Rice goes, "I can't take my eeeeeeyes offfff yewwwww..." But subconsciously, I hate it. The essence of the song just totally goes against my principles. I'm not one for whining and wallowing in self-pity and sulking and sinking deep down into a mush of anguish and never being able to get up. So I just hate it when Mr Rice whines on and on and onnnn... all about how he can't take his eyes off some girl. Like, please. There's nothing to gain from self-destructive desolation. Be a man. Do the right thing.


(Speaking of, that Russell Peters fella's over. His jokes have become too popular. You know it's bad when some band peeps repeated the jokes, not-so-funnily, at Starry Nite, which is this concert held at night in SMU some few days back, supposedly its purpose is to relieve stress. All it did was relieve my bladder from the free-flow coffee. Anyway, I was rolling my eyes so far back during the joke-retelling session that I may have resembled the possessed girl from Constantine.)


Oh yes. An ex once said, "You were mostly attitude, but not much of anythin else." No need to wonder which ex that was. I'm sure you've guessed correctly. Are you thinking what I think you're thinking? And am I thinking that you're thinking about that thing I think you're thinking? It was N. 'Nuff said.


Cow. I didn't know whether to feel flattered by the attitude part, or to feel insulted by the 'not much of anything else' part. Surely I wasn't that bad? Surely I was also nice, caring, and sweet and sugary and spicy and sacrificial, at certain times?


Well anyway. He said that yes, I was that bad. Well, what-everrrr. But the point I'm trying to make is, he's one of those guys who can be attracted to girls with attitude, as opposed to sweet, pigtailed, dewy-skinned and utterly naive girl-next-door's. I'd never go for a guy who likes girl-next-door's. Truth is, I can never be one of those girls. I can never be nice all the time, can never shun gossip, can never NOT think of bad thoughts, can never not feel that revenge is a dish best served cold. I'm never gonna be a cooing puppy-lover who can clean dogshit on the floor and console a heartbroken friend on the phone at the same time. I have nothing against dogs, I'll just never be able to pose for a cutesy picture of me squeezing a puppy.


This leads me to realise that sometimes, I may not be a very nice person. One time, I was walking along the underpass linking Taka to Wisma, accompanied by G. We were just strolling and having a nice chat when suddenly, out of nowhere, a bulldozer ran over us.


The bulldozer is in the form of a young Malay woman, whom I think is a shop assistant or something. She was apparently rushing off to somewhere, so she just cut in between me and G and half body-slammed me. Now a lot of people, given the same situation, would've start cursing inside their head - they'll think, "Arr. Fark." Or maybe, "Oh! My goodness. What. On. EARTH... is her problem? Like, UGH!" Or maybe, if you happen to be Indo or would like to bone up your Indo (HINT HINT SHERADINE), you'd say, "Apaan nih! Kurang ajar banget sih tu cewek. Dikirain ini jalan nenek moyangnya gitu?"


Thing is, I didn't THINK the curse words. I said it out loud, "*indignant, throaty noise* Ah! What a bitch!" And the sentence was said in the bitchiest tone that you can possibly think of. G immediately told me that the woman turned back to look at us. I was that loud. Obviously I was indignant and all fired up, but imagine if it'd turned into a catfight. IMAGINE! ..... It'll be quite fun actually. But STILL APPALLING.


Ah. Despite seeing how bad I could be, I'll still never wanna change into a girl-next-door. How many female CEO's do you know who clean dogshit? None. They pay people to do that for them. And I wanna be a CEO, dressed in a powerful Armani suit. Or maybe Valentino. Do they make suits? ANYWAY. After such a long and draggy entry, all I wanted to bring across was that I hope G wasn't silently hoping that I'd change into a nicer, sweeter person. I hope he wasn't expecting me to lose all the 'bitchiness', as he put it.


Like for example, if I don't like one of his friends (and I don't like one - she's called Dodo Bird. If someone from SMU's reading this, ask me who Dodo is. I'd be more than glad to bitch about her. She's a total two-headed snake), he can't expect me to genuinely get along with the person. I'd try my best, and insert some fakery in between, but fakery's as far as I'd go. Most of his friends are great people, though. Which makes you wonder how an extinct bird could've gotten into that 'friends' category. Shouldn't she be in a museum somewhere.

Monday, March 21, 2005

lesson #127: memoirs of an open day

Our new city campus didn't look all that impressive from the 69th floor of Swissotel. The buildings looked so small! And they look like dilapidated shophouses, jammed in between asphalt roads. The view gave out this sense of squeeziness, like a slightly suffocated feeling. Maybe it's just cos I didn't see the close-up view.



The dilapidated shophouses.



What on earth was he thinking?



A tribute to Marcus.



Taken at Equinox. The lighting was bad so had to brighten this picture a bit, or else we'd look like Africans.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

lesson #120: no motion sickness for me

I am going on a cruise! Star Cruises are having a Ladies Cruise Free promo and so me and G are gonna go on 20th April. It's a 3D/2N to Malacca. But I think I'm not gonna step out of the ship. Gonna stay in the room and bask in all the cruise-y glory. Thanks to Kunz for all the info! I think I'm gonna bombard you with a lot more questions babe... Brace yerself!


We went to this NATAS fair, Travel 2005, at Suntec after our Open House duty. Open House was a bore and I only got to speak to one cute prospective SMU student. He's got such an adorable smile. And the way his eyes crinkle! Oh! If he chose not to go SMU, then there will be zero cute guy in SMU for the coming batches.


But yeah. Where was I? NATAS fair. Right. We checked out Club Med. It all sounds fantastic and I was already imagining myself doing the flying trapeze when we saw the price. You know the skidding noise that sounded when you suddenly brake your car? That could've been our sound effect. But in the future I definitely want to check out Club Med (esp. since they have freeflow wines and beers). Jing - let's go together after we work and have loads (ie triple-digit) of money!


Impulsive-shopping list:
Black silky Chinois skirt with red flowers - $23.90
Stripey halter bikini, yellow-based - $29.00
Lime yellow Mango racerback - $15.00
Lime yellow Mango off-shoulder - $45.00


... Shite. Must cut back must cut back must cut back must cut back must cut back!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

lesson #131: ???

This blog is a reflection of how i feel about stuff like shopping, classes, outings, etc. But it excludes more sensitive matters, such as thoughts regarding ex-bf's.

Friday, March 18, 2005

lesson #121: going over to the dark side

Are You Evil?


(middle high evil)


Well, you're kinda evil. They haven't reserved a place for you in Hell yet, but the leasing agents are starting their calls. (Sorry, no air conditioning.) We're guessing you find others' pain funny, your backstabbing knife is probably pretty sharp, and your sexual wiles have likely brought you enjoyment at the expense of your bunkmates a time or two. If more than one of those three things rings true, consider yourself a card-carrying evil person. If you're interested in recanting the evil thing, sensitivity counseling isn't a bad idea. Or else find a more sadistic career, like a bouncer or a metermaid. But hey, to each his own, and if your evilness fits, wear it. Keep reading for more evil details!


(more black hearted)


We're not going to say you're a bad person, but you're toeing the line. A little advice: Try to think about how your victim will feel before you pull your next dirty prank (we don't care how funny it is when you take out a classifed ad and sell someone's car for them). You may think cruelty is funny, but your friends don't - especially the ones who've been burned by your verging-on-evil ways. Listen to your conscience a little more, okay?


---


Ho. Hum. Sounds like I'm quite evil. Not quite so evil as to be a villain with a strange European accent yet, but evil nevertheless. Just so you know, I've never backstabbed anybody and I don't do pranks and I don't think cruelty is funny. THIS TEST IS INACCURATE!


But I did something quite mean today. I made fun of one of G's friends. And I didn't even do it intentionally. All these bitchy, hurtful things just came out of my mouth uncontrollably. I made a genuine effort to hold back but... I... just... couldn't.


OK, so here's an example of my bitchiness. G was browsing through her blog 'cos he was bored. As he scrolled down the extremely long page, I saw a glimpse of an online quiz result. The result was huge, bolded, and read: You Are Attractive to Guys. Or something to that extent.


*pause*
Just a little background knowledge: this friend of his isn't exactly good-looking. Some might say cute (ie. ugly but adorable), and some might even leave out the "but adorable" part.
*unpause*


Yeah so, I stopped him from scrolling down further then my eyes just kept coming back to the bolded result, and then flitted over to him, and then back to the result. And it's just BURSTING from inside of me. This... this NEED to tell him really mean stuff about her. I'm like, thinking, 'Okay, Monica, BE NICE! You are not a bitch. You are not gonna say, "Umm... I beg to differ with the test result." You are not gonna say, "Umm... Maybe the testmaker ought to see her first." You are not gonna say, "Umm... Are these tests really designed for ugly people?" '


.... Okay. You got me. Yes, those are the kinds of thoughts I have inside my mind all day. Each day I look at people and think mean, cruel, bitchy stuff about them. I AM EVIL! ... Well, not really. I don't think like that most of the time. Wonder why the bitch nerves decided to send signals to my brain at this particular instance. ... Gosh. I'm such a bad person.


Back to this cruel event? Well, G apparently could tell what evil thoughts I had from the way my beady eyes were moving about. He said, "These are just feel-good tests lah..."


Thank goodness. Thank goodness he's not actually offended that I was thinking very bad thoughts about his friend (and voicing some of them out loud). I mean, really. I had absolutely no grounds for such bitchiness. Why? Why did I do it? When I know that appearances don't matter. Superficial stuff are not important! What's important is what's inside your heart. How nice you are. How warm your personality is. Not the fact that you're so ugly people look away just so they could throw up.


Oh. Damn. I've done it again, haven't I.


And it's not as if I'm a super-ultra-gorgeous hot babe, either. It's not as if I'm good-looking and therefore have a reason to sneer at displays of fuglyness. (But really, she's damn substandard). (Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuck! I can't seem to stop myself!)


I've done it now. I've written a super-long entry, every part of it bitching about some girl I barely know. (But I HAVE seen her, and seeing her once is enough, I tell you). ... Argh! Stop it! Please wait while I slap myself. *pause* Hey. If you'd hate me for this, or look down upon me for this, I can't help it. I'd hate myself . I'm already hating myself. What a bad person. So yeah... These are my confessions.


Take the Are You Evil test?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

lesson #128: do you only wanna dance?

Current MP3 list:
Mya - Do You Only Wanna Dance
Jennifer Lopez - Play (Sack International Remix)
Ciara - 1, 2 Steps
Ciara - Hotline


No why do these songs seem so familiar, hmmm?


Freak. I'm in such a clubbing mood now. After listening to Ashanti's Only U and Brandy's Afrodisiac, all I wanna do is dance. My spine's tingling and stuff. Argh I wanna club! After Exams sounds so far away. Despite having settled plans with the dance babes for Chinablack on the Wednesday after exam week and then followed by Coco on Friday, it just seems so far away and I cannot, CANNOT wait.


Mambo, peeps?


By the way, all those sappy entries about how I regret the stuff I've done in the past? All rubbish. Forget I ever said them. Am through with regretting. To quote Will Hung (not a very solid quoter, I realise, but a valid quote nevertheless), 'I have no regrets at all'. Why regret the things you've done, when you should be regretting those you haven't managed to do.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

lesson #119: grocery list

1. Dianne Wynne Jones's Howl's Moving Castle and Castle in the Air. Freak. Can't find them anywhere. Anywhere in this instance refers to Kinokuniya and Borders. Will try Sunny bookshop at Far East. Oh please oh please oh please let me find them!!!


2. This:

$200 vintage magazine clutch. Drooling as I look at it. It tugs at my heartstrings like so:*tug*. Ouch! Will sell my soul to whoever gets me the bag (invitation to treat, not an offer).


3. The following PS2 games (but getting them friendly): Suikoden IV, Xenosaga Episode II, as well as Shadow Hearts I & II (must contact Yang!). Have re-acquainted myself with the PS2 today and I just can't wait to touch the controller again.


4. Hairbands. Lots and lots of hairbands. Need to stock up on them because within a span of one month I've broken two. Let's take two minutes now to mourn for my glittery orange hairband, the latest victim of bag overloading.


5. Off-the-shoulder tops. Can't seem to find a nice one anywhere! Anywhere referring to Forever 21, Guess?, Ralph Lauren sale, Mango, Zara, and I can't remember where else I went. I need new tops because I'm running out of clothes to wear to school. Quite unbelievable seeing as I've got about 85 tops. But for some reason I just can't find anything nice in my wardrobe to wear these days. Bah.


6. Friendships! Wanna get re-acquainted with my dearies even more than I wanted to get re-acquainted with the PS2. I miss them all. I know circumstances don't allow for much time to meet up and we've all got our own lives to live. But I wish to stay connected. Like heart to heart. An unspeakable connection that's telepathic. A knowledge that we'll always be there for each other, no matter how long or how far we're separated. In short, I just wanna say that I love YOU. (No, not you G. You're not included in this. Shoo!)

lesson #70: BGS is officially his tree

Done the BGS presentation today. We were the third group to present and I dare say we did really really well. REALLY REALLY WELL! Now let's hope the crap that's on the powerpoint slides come through in the report as well. The show-stealer is basically our video. Which was, all hail TK, superbly well done. The songs were fitting *ahem* 'cos I chose them. The scenes were funny. It's great to work with my BGS team.


Am supposed to be preparing for AS meeting now but I'm so totally not in the mood to work. After BGS class, went to meet N a while at KAP, after which I had homecooked chicken rice for an early dinner, and then zipped over to Orchard with G to watch Hitch. It's a pretty funny show overall, it started out great, but I found the ending how-he-gets-the-girl scene too cheesy to believe. And it totally didn't connect with the first part. The ending scenes just seemed slightly misplaced somehow. But with the introduction of two yummy, handsome, cute guys towards the end, I couldn't care less which way Hitch goes.


By the by, before the show, had a bout of speed-shopping. Checked out Guess? and I fell totally in love with their shoes, bags, and a butterfly shirt which costs $189. Also went to Forever 21 (where else?) and tried on some stuff, which all looked really good. But since I'm broke, I decided to only get a nice white pair of capri pants which G paid for.


So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know, well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it


How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me
but I don't know nothing 'bout love





Bah. Freaking sappy.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

lesson #63: much ado about Mabel

It's been like a marathon. Non-stop rushing for projects. I can't believe that just five days ago, I was working my ass off doing MA project. Staring at the same Excel worksheet for 12 solid hours. Feels like it happened eons ago. After I was done with MA, I only had a couple of hours' break time before I had to get started on BGS (that stands for Business, Government, and Society, by the way. The following statement may or may not have been said. BGS is the most pointless, useless, cock-n-bull, complete waste of time of a subject there is). So it's been late nights at school for the past few days for me. Haven't been leaving school before at least 10 pm.


Not that I'm complaining. I've got no time to complain. Tomorrow will be the last stretch of the marathon. My group will be doing our presentation on Consumer Protection in Singapore versus Malaysia. (Sounds boring? Try actually doing it). Hopefully the video we did for the presentation will come through nicely.


Let's not talk about school stuff anymore. I came across an interesting trivia yesterday. This guy Thomas mixed Vaseline and coal together to make his sister's eyes look prettier, because his sister, called Mabel, wanted to catch the attention of a guy called Chet. Hence he invented the first ever mascara. With the mascara applied, Mabel didn't only catch the eyes of Chet, but also his heart. Thomas then started a company called Mabelline.


I can't seem to think that there's a false connection between wearing mascara and getting a guy to fall in love with you. What if Mabel's looks were already striking in the first place? Or what if Chet fell in love (supposedly) with her not because of her eyes, but because of other factors (like, you know, that little insignificant thing called personality)? Another point: imagine a superbly ugly girl without mascara. Now imagine her with mascara. If she's really really ugly in the first place, simply wearing mascara isn't gonna help her much. Miracles DON'T happen like that.


Anyway, I read the trivia on the papers. It was part of a huge Mabelline advert. A niggling point about the way they use the trivia. It seems to imply that since Mabelline invented the first mascara, the mascara that they're producing NOW must be of excellent / first quality. After all, they started it! They came up with the original formula! But as a matter of fact, whoever invented the first mascara isn't really of relevance today. The components of mascara have developed since then, and although Mabelline may have started it, others have caught up throughout the years and superseded Mabelline in terms of quality. You can't compare Mabelline to say, Helena Rubinstein. Even L'oreal is better than Mabelline!


So using that piece of trivia as part of the advert is really quite a deceitful thing to do, especially if a girl (or guy, possibly) who's never heard of mascara before is suddenly induced to buy Mabelline products because she (or he) was taken in by the story.


Now back to memorizing my nice BGS speech.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

lesson #42: in my own little island

The grass on the other side is looking greener by the minute.

Friday, March 04, 2005

lesson #78: howl's moving castle

Howl's Moving Castle is a FANTASTIC MOVIE! Watch it watch it watch it. And get blown away by Hayao Miyazaki's beautiful, beautiful world. The movie's based on the children book of the same title by Diana Wynne Jones. I think I read the book a long time ago, but kinda forgot the storyline. In any case, don't think the storyline's exactly the same.


The movie's basically about this girl called Sophie, who worked in a hat shop until one day, she went to visit her sister and the journey to her sister's workplace proved to be quite an adventure involving blobby black creatures and such. She basically made an evil witch (called the Witch of the Waste) angry and the witch cursed her into an old woman. Sophie decided to leave her hometown on a journey to break the spell, and she ended up as a cleaning lady for this wizard called Howl who lives in a moving castle. But not even the evil witch herself knows how to break the spell. How's she ever gonna get her youth back? She couldn't even tell anyone that she's enchanted (that's part of the curse).


I've just watched it and already I feel like watching it again. ARGH! There are so many questions left unanswered. The movie's so beautiful. There were sweet moments, touching moments, dumb moments, and the ending! It just fills you with warmth.



Charming. Have no idea how they did it, they managed to bring across the various aspects of his character beautifully.


*spoiler alert*


Like I said, the movie left you thinking even hours after you've left the theatre.
-Why didn't Sophie's hair turn to its original color? Was it because Howl said her hair looked like 'starlight'?
-Was she freed of the curse in the end?
-How DID she manage to turn young again, and is her regained youth forever, or only when she's feeling passionate and in love?
-Why did she turn back into a young woman when she's asleep at Howl's castle (with the exception of the first time she slept)? Does the presence of Howl mean anything?
-Why must Howl turn into a bird monster in order to fight the weird demon bombs thingummy? And where did those little winged demons come from anyway?
-How could Howl proclaim to Sophie that 'he's had enough of running away, that he has someone he wants to protect now' when he allegedly has no heart?
-Why did he have an exchange with Calcifer in the first place?


Ah. This movie is even better than Spirited Away.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

lesson #79: a message to lovers out there

Why do people break up so easily? Of recent days, I've been surrounded by songs* and gossips all centered round the inevitable goodbye. Have just read an article on a backdated Lifestyle issue, about Andy Lau's past affair with this Taiwanese chick. Apparently they were really lovey-dovey, but circumstances (his fame, specifically) tore them apart. Why do we let circumstances tear us apart?


It's so easy just to give up. It's so easy to feel 'this isn't right', so easy to mark a relationship as 'one bound not to last'. But now I'm looking back at the steps that I've taken, things I've done that's really starting to look like the lazy way out. Only 'cos I haven't bothered stepping away from my comfort zone. As a couple facing problems, must the solution always be separation? Can't each party both try harder to make things work? And try and try and try again, until you've exhausted yourselves and finally, finally realised that that's really all there is to it. Like, does it really seem reasonable to break up on the grounds of differing religions? It's not like the relationship is forever. So why not give it a good shot as long as it'll last?


Initially the thought of 'exhausting yourself' in each and every relationship seems daunting. Is your heart really that tough to afford to expend so many emotions on every single relationship. Must you always run a full-course marathon with every single guy who picked you up at a party? I suppose that's really hard to justify. But at least then you can say that you've given it your all. That you've tried your best. I'm not proposing that people treat every relationship like it's gonna lead them to the altar, but at least look at its maximum potential. Just give it a chance to run its full-course, which may be a month or 10 years.


I'm really sorry to those whom I've caused disappointment. Special mention to N. The reason I gave for ending things was really crap. And it could have worked if I were only to move my butt. There really was no good reason for why things happened they way they did.


But despite the strange turns of events which led me to G, I'm contented with being where I am. (If things went bad in the future and I were to read this entry then, I may regret saying this but it's how I feel now). The touch of his hand is, at times, all that I need to feel secure, loved, and protected.


*Almost Here, by Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem. "You have been my life, and I never planned growing old without you / but when I need you you're almost here and I know that's not enough." Depressive or what.