Monday, July 24, 2006

lesson #019: when push comes to shove, who shoves the hardest?

Today has been a day full of irritation. Actually it started from yesterday night, but the surprise at the MRT was so endearing that I felt blissful and happy enough to put the anger aside for awhile. This morning it came back when I went down to apply for my UK student visa.

My journey to the Visa Office consisted of:
1. Waiting for a bus
2. Taking the bus down to Newton MRT
3. Waiting for the MRT
4. Taking the north-south line from Newton to Raffles Place
5. Waiting at Raffles Place for the east-west train
6. Dropping a stop later at Tanjong Pagar
7. Walking a distance to the Visa Office

After an hour of travel as described above, I arrived at the office at 12 noon to witness a long queue and to be told by the security guard, "Come back 130. Now 1230 closing. Now long queue. Come back 130."

Me: (flabbergasted) But I came all this way? Can I wait here then?
Guard: Come back 130.
Me: Yes okay 130 but can I wait here in the meanwhile?
Guard: Come back 130. Close 1230.
Me: So you mean you are locking this place at 1230?
Guard: Yes yes come back 130 no more queue.
Me: ... So can I just take a ticket first to get the queue number?
Guard: Come back 130, take ticket.

RAH!

Knowing me, what do you think I did? Obviously I pulled a ticket right in front of him and plopped myself down to a just-emptied seat. And waited. And at 1 pm, I was served at the counter.

When I came back home after repeating the journey above but in reverse, my mom asked me, "Do you know that on your return flight from London, you have 8 hours' worth of transit in Bangkok? Which means your flight will take two whole days?"

Me: No, I didn't.

RAH!

My mom had, before she asked this question, helped me wait for some guy from Muhibbah Travel to come by our house with the plane ticket. And the guy was very very rude. When I talked to him on the phone, I wish I could send a punch wave over the wireless connection and sock him one.

Then she gave me the plane ticket so I could see the 8 hours of transit with my own eyes, and to my slight relief the transit turns out to be for 3 hours, not 8.

In total, for this exchange, I have spent:
$1387 for return ticket Singapore - London
$240 health insurance
$295 UK Visa application

That's close to $2k. And I haven't even left the country yet. Toto, it looks like I'm gonna pay for this exchange through my nose. I'm feeling the financial pinch so hard that when I saw an SMS from Mich asking us dancers if it's okay to contribute another $6 each for costume purposes, I honestly wish I hadn't read it.

I am super flat broke. Flatline. Like when you stop breathing and there's only a strip showing on the hospital monitor, instead of zig-zag lines.

I wish I have a job now. Even that photoshoot gig at MOS which's supposed to nail me $100 hasn't paid off yet. I haven't received the cheque in the mail and what's $100? I'll still have a goddamn $1.9k deficit. Goodness. I dread talking to my dad about money. I have to admit defeat. I still have my European visa to apply for, that'll set me back at least another hundred bucks. I need to be Daddy's Girl again. I need his financial support. Though knowing him he'll prolly expect me to survive on $200 a month, scrimping and saving and eating the remains of another person's char kway teow.

But I digress. Back to what I was irritated about last night. Well, it's got to do with some exchange stuff as well.

You can have what you want so long as it doesn't affect what I want. Don't ask him to change his arrangement. You know you've got company of your own so let me have mine.

I sacrificed a more suitable timing for going overseas and I already gave up my 21st birthday. Maybe that doesn't mean much to you, but to me, that hurts like hell, to miss your own birthday. You only get to be 21 and surrounded with the people you love, all together, once in your life. But I gave it up because of the promise we made. The promise of Fun. Together. If you still remember? Because you were the one to utter the words and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. And after all this, what in the end do I seek? What do I really want?

Just a single acknowledgement to let me know that whatever I gave up is appreciated. Because I feel taken for granted.

I don't blame you. The only person to blame, if any, is myself. I said yes to everything. I've been stupid, saying yes to everything. For going with the flow for so long. Until yesterday.