Monday, April 17, 2006

internships are scary

Y'know, I sometimes wish that after the interview, and after the joy of finding out that you've been accepted for a job, it'll all just stop right there. Because to be honest, I'm not so much looking forward to my first day at PWC tomorrow as feeling brain-feverishly freaked out by it.

These are but some of the questions lurking around in my mind:
- Will I look professional enough?
- Will I sound professional enough?
- Will they like me?
- Will I be able to smile and portray confidence when I'm totally petrified inside?
- Will I do my job well?
- Will I get along with the people at work?
- Will I be ON TIME??

Ever since primary school days, I've been petrified of first days. I've always been a shy kid, I won't be the one to ask strangers-who-will-soon-be-my-classmates that we play hopscotch together during break. I was the one to shuffle her feet and stand around feeling awkward about her height.

I suppose it's like a milder non-psyche-shattering type of trauma. I'll be a fully functional teenag- young adult (I keep forgetting) after a while, but first days... they're totally nerve-wracking.

Of course, I can't possibly let the fear just engulf me, swallow me whole, and leave me floating around like a goldfish tomorrow (they may notice if a pool of drool start forming).

Will have to build an outer shell of composure and quiet confidence, even if I'm trembling inside.

Oh dear oh dear oh dear...

It'll all be fine. It'll be. Shite. I so darn wish I'd bought some new clothes for work. They give you an artificial boost of confidence. And a happy glow from knowing that you're wearing new clothes.

And why must it start at 8.30? Why why why? Why can't they start at 12 noon, like half of SMU's lectures? Booh. I'm so scared of being late!

OK. Inner peace. Composure. Chant something.

Something something something...

Oh, this is ridiculous. I'll sleep this off and try not to think that the moment I wake up it'll be... Nah. Won't think about it.