Monday, March 06, 2006

the butterflies in my stomach moved on to my heart and ate it all up

I like you. But can I be with you? Was skimming through past entries of this blog. Last term... was tumultuous at best. Was wincing as I glanced through more and more bitter entries. I don't want to turn back into that person. This term is infinitely... happier? ... I think?

I ache now, I feel pain. But it's nothing compared to the crippling feeling I had back then. I don't want to go back there. I felt ugly and I was an ugly person. I'm not mature at all. I wasn't being strong - I was being bitchy and mean. I need to change. I need to be a better person.

I want to make it good.

Heh. Maybe I do think about boys all of the time. How frickin' shallow. How narrow-minded. You make me feel small. Now I don't know who I am anymore. I'm lost and I can't even have you anymore.

Or can I?

You are bad for me. I hurt even when we're not together. And yet there are times when you make me smile. I'm confused.

I don't know who to turn to.