Saturday, March 25, 2006

anonimity is ugly

Guh. Just checked my school email early in the morning with a slight hope that I'll get a nice email from somewhere (equivalent to checking your mailbox hoping somebody's dropped a $1m blank check) and all I got was some junk and my MPW presentation's peer evaluation.

A bit of background on this peer evaluation business. Basically your classmates will rate you on your material coverage and how well you answered their questions during the Q&A session. And then they'll also give written feedback on what you could improve on.

And, well, I didn't know people can be so ruthless! Ugh. To think I've always given everyone either 6's or 7's upon 7 for their rating. And yet the average rating I got was... well... it pretty darn sucked and coupled by a slight headache due to lack of sleep yesterday due to clubbing, well, it just SUCKED real bad.

The peer evaluation seems portentous, an omen of bad things to come. I just knew it. I'm going into that annual phase of bad-luck plague (last year I had a period of time where for two straight weeks I suffered bad luck every single day, including having to evacuate from GV theatre in the middle of Batman Begins because of a fire). Why else would my MPW text drop at such a miraculous angle that it dislodged the letter Z? Why else would weird people follow our group around on the dance floor yesterday? Why else would my fringe cut be too short and disastrous? And the biggest why of all shall remain within the domains of my mind.

Oh, how I hope this darn evaluation won't be included in the final grade. I really do not like this at all.

I feel unloved.

... See? See! Feeling moody again. Damnit! What the hell is wrong with me. Why on earth am I acting like such a repressed compulsive depressive? Gah. I've got no reason to feel like this. After all I got my Bath exchange together with Z and Y, which was real lucky, and I feel quite confident about the latest Income Tax test... unless I've miraculously botched that up as well.

Anyway, let's talk about nicer things such as Jun's birthday celebration at MOS yesterday. The music at Smoove was really really good! Can't wait to go there again. Maybe I'll go next week!!! Any takers? It's just so fun. The bunch of us were dancing together and then what Jun described as a 'natural phenomenon' happened - we got surrounded by lots and lots of boys (not cute). Then I danced with Kunz... then with Fen... then together in a group again... Then I had to rush home... And that's about it. Oh, and some weird foreign dark-skinned short men asked Fen and I whether we were from Singapore. I don't know what Fen answered, but I kept quiet 'cos they looked freakily dwarfish.

...

Ugh. Just saw this post's title and got depressed again. It's weird because I don't wanna sink into a funk over this rather than my usual 'let me wallow in self-pity' stance and yet I still can't be rid of the sucky feeling. Hence conscious effort is not enough to banish away all moody thoughts. At times like this I feel pangs of something missing - I haven't got a boyfriend to say 'it's okay, it's all right' anymore. Not that Uncle G ever automatically said any of those comforting words. This is how it used to go:

Me: blah blah blah *complains moodily about some trivial / life & death matter*
G: Oh! Erm... Haha... Well... *pauses then awkwardly laughs again* Arhmm... Haha I really don't know what to say!
Me: *sulks and keeps quiet for a while* You're supposed to comfort me and say 'it's okay, it's gonna be all right, everything's gonna be fine'.
G: Huh?! Erm... *awkwardly laughs* Hahahahaha... Okay. Well, *in a very faked concerned tone* everything's gonna be all right, okay? *makes weird / funny faces to indicate he's not comfortable saying those words*
Me: ..................

Ugh. Great. Gotta get ready for school. Having Meeting Marathon today. Right now, I feel like bashing a hole into a sack of rice or aiming a bazooka at someone.