Wednesday, February 22, 2006

the obvious glaring fault in me

Sorry for backing out on exchange. Got swept through by the current and when I started questioning myself it just unravelled. And honestly speaking, it was a difficult decision. Even now I still feel torn, and I can feel my heart literally aching from all this self-perpetuated confusion.

I pulled out of internship applications.

I prolonged guys' agony.

The thing is, I'm just afraid of committing myself into something... anything. And then when I do commit, I'm afraid of getting hurt, getting rejected, feeling not-so-great.

So I numb myself, and I avoid commitments.

This is how screwed up I am. And whoever loves me suffers.

I'm such a disappointment.