Tuesday, August 23, 2005

lesson #209: I'm not really okay

Did not get into dance exco. Hurts to think that the people sitting inside the SR last night did not think highly enough of me to vote me in. A serious blow to the ego but much much worse than that, I hear the sound of my dream shattering.


Pep talk with G reminded me that this is not the end of everything. Somewhere along the way, I've mixed up my passion for dance with passion for Emix. Emix does not equal dance. Dance is a much bigger thing, and Emix merely a slice of the pie. G made me realise that if it comes to the point of such soreness that I can't bear to be in the group anymore, then I can always set up another dance club. It worked well enough for NUS.


I am slightly regretting accepting to perform for Freshmen Bash. The practice will steal a lot of rest time away from me. And what's the point of Emix taking so much away when it doesn't really give me back anything? What have I gotten, so far? The feeling of animosity, and disappointment, and dissatisfaction.


G, thanks for reminding me that this is not the end of everything, that the paths are always branching out instead of being a one-way street. And I'm eternally grateful to the people I've talked to, the people who have been so nice and supportive.


I know a leader is supposed to be able to pick herself up, bounce back and continue pursuing her dream et cetera. And I will do that, just not at this hour. For now, I wanna be sulky and moody and in mourning. And anyway, (I can't resist being bitchy) how the hell am I supposed to be a leader now when there's nothing to lead?? Maybe I should lead a bunch of chickens across the road, so that I can solve the old-age question: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because I led it. Ha. That is so not funny. Shall not make jokes when I'm not happy.