Friday, March 18, 2005

lesson #121: going over to the dark side

Are You Evil?


(middle high evil)


Well, you're kinda evil. They haven't reserved a place for you in Hell yet, but the leasing agents are starting their calls. (Sorry, no air conditioning.) We're guessing you find others' pain funny, your backstabbing knife is probably pretty sharp, and your sexual wiles have likely brought you enjoyment at the expense of your bunkmates a time or two. If more than one of those three things rings true, consider yourself a card-carrying evil person. If you're interested in recanting the evil thing, sensitivity counseling isn't a bad idea. Or else find a more sadistic career, like a bouncer or a metermaid. But hey, to each his own, and if your evilness fits, wear it. Keep reading for more evil details!


(more black hearted)


We're not going to say you're a bad person, but you're toeing the line. A little advice: Try to think about how your victim will feel before you pull your next dirty prank (we don't care how funny it is when you take out a classifed ad and sell someone's car for them). You may think cruelty is funny, but your friends don't - especially the ones who've been burned by your verging-on-evil ways. Listen to your conscience a little more, okay?


---


Ho. Hum. Sounds like I'm quite evil. Not quite so evil as to be a villain with a strange European accent yet, but evil nevertheless. Just so you know, I've never backstabbed anybody and I don't do pranks and I don't think cruelty is funny. THIS TEST IS INACCURATE!


But I did something quite mean today. I made fun of one of G's friends. And I didn't even do it intentionally. All these bitchy, hurtful things just came out of my mouth uncontrollably. I made a genuine effort to hold back but... I... just... couldn't.


OK, so here's an example of my bitchiness. G was browsing through her blog 'cos he was bored. As he scrolled down the extremely long page, I saw a glimpse of an online quiz result. The result was huge, bolded, and read: You Are Attractive to Guys. Or something to that extent.


*pause*
Just a little background knowledge: this friend of his isn't exactly good-looking. Some might say cute (ie. ugly but adorable), and some might even leave out the "but adorable" part.
*unpause*


Yeah so, I stopped him from scrolling down further then my eyes just kept coming back to the bolded result, and then flitted over to him, and then back to the result. And it's just BURSTING from inside of me. This... this NEED to tell him really mean stuff about her. I'm like, thinking, 'Okay, Monica, BE NICE! You are not a bitch. You are not gonna say, "Umm... I beg to differ with the test result." You are not gonna say, "Umm... Maybe the testmaker ought to see her first." You are not gonna say, "Umm... Are these tests really designed for ugly people?" '


.... Okay. You got me. Yes, those are the kinds of thoughts I have inside my mind all day. Each day I look at people and think mean, cruel, bitchy stuff about them. I AM EVIL! ... Well, not really. I don't think like that most of the time. Wonder why the bitch nerves decided to send signals to my brain at this particular instance. ... Gosh. I'm such a bad person.


Back to this cruel event? Well, G apparently could tell what evil thoughts I had from the way my beady eyes were moving about. He said, "These are just feel-good tests lah..."


Thank goodness. Thank goodness he's not actually offended that I was thinking very bad thoughts about his friend (and voicing some of them out loud). I mean, really. I had absolutely no grounds for such bitchiness. Why? Why did I do it? When I know that appearances don't matter. Superficial stuff are not important! What's important is what's inside your heart. How nice you are. How warm your personality is. Not the fact that you're so ugly people look away just so they could throw up.


Oh. Damn. I've done it again, haven't I.


And it's not as if I'm a super-ultra-gorgeous hot babe, either. It's not as if I'm good-looking and therefore have a reason to sneer at displays of fuglyness. (But really, she's damn substandard). (Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuck! I can't seem to stop myself!)


I've done it now. I've written a super-long entry, every part of it bitching about some girl I barely know. (But I HAVE seen her, and seeing her once is enough, I tell you). ... Argh! Stop it! Please wait while I slap myself. *pause* Hey. If you'd hate me for this, or look down upon me for this, I can't help it. I'd hate myself . I'm already hating myself. What a bad person. So yeah... These are my confessions.


Take the Are You Evil test?