Monday, February 28, 2005

lesson #118: pensive

Sometimes I wonder. Is living a life really all that great? Everyday, you face stress. There's the pressure of work and projects. There's the promises you've made to yourself to do this and to not do that. Eat healthy, do more situps, and stop wasting money. It's so easy to vow that you'll do all those things, but at the end of the day, how many of them gets accomplished? Maybe just one or two. More likely, none gets accomplished.


You forget, you slipped. Or you're so stressed out with outside pressure that you can't bear adding on to it with what your own self cooked up. Even at home, a place that's supposed to be your last resting place, you have to face your parents. Parents who see you as waist-high and in pigtails. Parents who treat you without respect as a fellow adult. Parents who bring about a surge of frustration, dissatisfaction, anger. All the sucky feelings in the world that really, you can do without.


Sometimes, I really have no idea what I'm doing here. To what purpose? I dream big. Of cars, money, and ultimate success. But really, in the end, how much of it will I accomplish? Why do I trudge on like a hamster on a wheel. Why does life have to be such a trialthon challenge.


Sometimes, you just want that time, freedom, and space to live like how YOU want to live. And stop being a puppet, moving jerkily on taut strings.