Saturday, December 04, 2004

lesson #123: straight brownie

Yesterday my curls died a premature death. It was an accident - an impulsive murder. The murderer pleads self-defense. "My stylist told me that both curly and straight hair will look good. I only had seconds to respond before he had to start either the perming or the 3-Pro straightening process. I felt backed up against the wall. It was a reflex thing!"


As of now, she is still detained for further questioning by her own self. "Why? Why did you do it? Why didn't you go for the spa perm?" "You see, it's a disaster now! Utterly irrepairable until the next salon visit! Plain ho-ho-ho-horrrible!" "Your clothes are all wrong now! All the stuff you tried on when you still had curly hair only looked good on you with curly hair! It looks all wrong with straight hair!"


Errarrgh! My hair looks so typical. Yep. Yes ma'am. I am your TYPICAL STRAIGHT-HAIRED GIRL! Fucking hell. You know what typical straight-haired girls are like? They are 1)boring 2)boring and 3)boring. They're not in anyway sexy because they look plain, plain, plain. Drab, drab, drab. For girls with curly hair, one look at their face and boom! They just spell f-o-x-y. Your typical straight-haired girl spell f-l-a-t. No offence to all the typical straight-haired girls out there, of course. It's not your fault that you're boring.


So ANYWAY, watched Alexander today with the giraffe. Alexander is a stupid show. Do not watch it. Repeat, do not watch Alexander! Its only saving grace is Angelina Jolie's nice curly hair (sob). The rest of the movie sucked. Really bad. It was the first time I was actually tempted to walk out of the cinema halfway through. But I've never been an escapist *cough* so I withstood it. I withstood it in all its mind-numbing 3-hour glory. The movie makes little sense, has little meaning, and creates absolutely no impact. Troy, it is not.


I don't understand why, rather than glorifying Alexander, they punified him and made his character so pompous, stubborn and arrogant. It's just so... wrong! An epic is about a hero, and this Alexander didn't really seem like one. He talks crap half of the time, and the other half he spends it kissing boys. The movie didn't flow well either. It just felt rough and unedited. The narrator talks too much. And why was one of the Greek generals speaking with an Irish accent? Alexander was the son of Zeus, they say. I say, Colin Farrell's hair looks totally like a wig. Maybe should recommend him a 3-Pro straightening.