Saturday, September 25, 2004

lesson #41: energizer, comforter, patronizer

Stayed over at N's after going to Chinablack with him and his dear, dear friends. Chinablack was boring! The music was commercial house... right. And when R'nB came on they just HAD to have a raid. Spent most of the night SMS-ing away with Alvin, complaining about the bad music inside Zouk/Chinablack.


I cried at N's today, not because we were arguing, but because some calls which upset me badly. It was then that I released a lot of the awful, awful feelings which I'd previously kept inside and therefore kept building up. I guess I broke down because I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt that no one will ever understand how sad I am, but at least someone will be able to comfort me. N did that, although I can sense that he doesn't really know how to handle that kind of emotionally-charged situation. I appreciate the effort, though.


Anyway, last night at Chinablack, I realised that people's perceptions almost never change. I met Michael Enriquez, a guy I knew through CCA back in NJ. He still has a patronizing air about him when he talks to me. I bet he still thinks that I'm this empty bimbo who's just a slacker, as unreliable and flighty as ever. I saw him when I was dancing up on one of the podiums; I saw him look at me, and I saw his facial expression. He looked... flabbergasted. I'm not sure if what he witnessed counts for more minus points against me. But I don't really care about what he thinks anymore, because I no longer require approval from people like him, people who look down on me after seeing my weak side.