Tuesday, September 14, 2004

lesson #20: couldn't care less anymore

I'm not gonna care about dance anymore. I'll just come to practices wearing whatever I feel like wearing, instead of trying to conform to the dress code. Sheila said to wear hip-hop outfit. I couldn't believe I actually spent ages worrying about what I'm gonna wear. I'm just gonna stop caring. I mean, what the hell is the point?


Some of the dance seniors are really patronizing. I'm really discouraged by the way they give us 'constructive' criticism. Must you really sound like you're a bossy bitch when giving tips on how to do the steps better?


Another aspect of the sessions which made me feel sick, tired, and plain deluded: the choreography. The positioning. I don't appreciate being given a position at the back because I know I'm better than that. I don't appreciate the way Sheila singled out a person to do a semi-solo. I am jealous of that person, yes. But mostly I think it's unfair because we're just as good as she is.


It's just like something Jing said some time ago, probably months ago - there's no point in being part of a dance if you're just gonna be stuck at the back throughout. I realised one of the reasons I enjoyed the Dance Night item this past April (aside from working with people I absolutely love) is because all of us get to be centerstage. There were only five girls, so we all get to stand in one line, in front. Nobody is left out. Nobody is that sad pathetic background dancer which no one notices anyway so who cares if she's doing worse and worse with each rehearsal.


I don't appreciate it when I'm not recognised for the efforts that I put in. What the Emix people, our dear seniors should realise is: criticism is all very well, but what about giving praises once in a while for a change, as another way to encourage us to do better? With constant bombardment of criticism, even the most forward-looking person will get disillusioned at the end of the day.


Dance is my love... I guess sometimes love hurts.