Saturday, July 31, 2004

lesson #3: when reality knocks hard on your door, try to hide your tears

My dad will be working in Jakarta permanently in one month's time. He said the prospects are not good here, they are actually better back home, so that's where he is going. His salary then will be 30% lower than where it stands now, and the whole family will have to do some major cutting back. All I can say is, thank God I got that scholarship. At least I wouldn't have to worry so much about tuition fees and daily allowance.


We will probably have to move to a cheaper place, too. The maintenance costs right now are rather high and my parents are getting ready to sell. They are going to sell my home. I have stayed here for only four years, but I've already grown so very much attached to it. I don't want to move, but ultimately it isn't my decision. My unhappiness doesn't really matter, does it? Even I can't argue or beg if it comes down to us not having enough money. I can't exactly beg my family to go broke just so I can keep staying here. My home... I will miss you so much.


I hate not being rich. There are poorer people than me, so maybe I have no right to complain, really, but my family is not exactly loaded. So what I'm going to do now is study hard, stop playing so much, and graduate with stellar results so that finding jobs will be easy. I aspire to earn millions for my annual income eventually, to support both my family and my lifestyle. I want to be completely independent. I'm gonna stop being such a princess - expecting guys to treat me so nicely, buy me drinks and open doors for me. I'm going to learn to be tougher, because I need to be.


I also will stop trying to please everyone. Whatever I do, there will always be people who don't like me, for whatever reason. I am not going to feel hurt or insulted that people i dislike also dislike me back. I have recently found out from N that an acquaintance (whom I thought until that point of time was quite a nice guy) told him that I have an attitude problem because I asked the guy not to smoke in front of me. I guess he just took it superficially and thought I was a snob who disapproves of people who smoke. But actually I just can't stand the smoke because for some reason it makes my eyes water really bad. I was NOT judging anyone's lifestyle. He can smoke until hell freezes over and I won't give a damn.