Monday, July 26, 2004

lesson #10: give as much as you take, then take more when nobody's looking

I've never been much of a giver in any relationship of mine... I do give material gifts (which are quite expensive and thoughtful) but that's about it. I guess nobody's really encouraged me. Last time, I baked cookies for my then boyfriend. But he was afraid he'd be fat if he ate them all (I've always thought this sounded kind of sissy) so he didn't really encourage me to bake more. He also told me that the cookies were too sweet. Yeah, somebody should tell him he's saying all the wrong things... So anyway, since the cookies-filled-with-love was a flop, I felt like I should just lie back and let the boys do all the work.

 
I have a slight feeling that this is the wrong outlook. A friend who had recently gotten attached told me she wanted to give her all to make it work. I paused, and I paused. She seems really happy, and I am sincerely happy for her. And slightly jealous...

 
But the thing is, I've never been good with being romantic and sweet. Imagine you're a Japanese, then you suddenly find yourself in Sweden. You've spoken Japanese all your life, and now you have totally no idea how to communicate. You might be able to learn the language, but it's never gonna be perfect. You will always confuse your l's and r's.

 
I don't even know where I'm heading with this.


Jogged for a while on the treadmill today, made me feel better about my body. Hopefully I still have enough self-discipline left to go again tomorrow.